How to Leave Porn Behind

Article by  Samuel James

My older sister sat across from me at the Taco Bell and listened carefully. She knew I was lying, but she was too concerned to be angry. As she questioned me about the double life I had been living, which had been unwillingly exposed to my family and friends, she calmly heard my mistruths and told me that she knew better.

For years I had been hiding beneath the identity of being a pastor’s kid in the church worship band while yielding myself totally to pornography. I was broken, but not broken enough, and still trying to put up a crumbling façade.

As she surgically deconstructed my lies, she knew I was broken. She knew I needed a path toward healing as soon as possible. So she looked at me and said something that still echoes in my mind eight years later: “I want you to pursue a radical lifestyle of repentance.”

“The sin of pornography goes much deeper than the singular moments of watching and downloading.”

This frightened me. What did she mean? Yes, I knew I had to repent. Yes, Jesus had used this destruction in my life to show me his gospel in a saving way for the very first time. I was ready (or so I thought) to turn from my sin. The solution seemed obvious enough: (1) I had to confess openly my problem with porn, (2) I had to get an accountability partner, and (3) I needed to see a counselor at my school (I ended up doing all three).

But her words “radical lifestyle” — radical, not garden-variety; lifestyle, not sporadic or occasional — suggested unknown depths of discipline. I squirmed in my seat, nodded, and quietly feared my future. Little did I realize how life-giving a “radical lifestyle” could be.

Why So Many Are Losing the Battle

If you had asked me, I would have said that my life was just fine as it was, except for the porn. But I’ve come to realize that this perception was wrong.

The sin of pornography goes much deeper than the singular moments of watching and downloading. It’s about entire daily patterns of unbelief, laziness, self-absorption, and much more. Thus, repentance from enslavement to pornography must seek more than behavior modification in one isolated habit. It must be a resolve to bring every piece of the heart’s architecture, every beat of the rhythm of life, into the light of the gospel.

Many Christian men are fighting a losing battle with pornography because they are trying to remove the sin without adopting a radical lifestyle of repentance. They know their spiritual lives would be sweeter without giving way to lust. They know their capacity for rich relationships with other believers would expand tenfold if they weren’t smothered by midnight shame. They know their Godward ambitions for vocation and missions and pastoring are being squashed by it.

They really do want it gone, but they want everything else to stay where it is — and then they are perplexed why it just won’t work, even with accountability partners and internet filters. It won’t work long-term because this is not how God designed us.

How Badly Do You Want to Win?

Repentance has a radical character to it precisely because repentance happens in the heart. Human beings are not equally partitioned creatures: one part intellect, one part body, one part soul, and so on. In his glorious, image-bearing design, God creates us with a center of existential gravity. The heart is that center.

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). God promised to give his covenant people new hearts that would lead to authentic and holistic obedience (Ezekiel 36:26). Jesus explicitly taught us that our external rituals pale in comparison to our inner heart-delights (Matthew 15:18). Because our heart orients everything else, and since real repentance happens foremost in the heart, turning away from heart-enslaving sin often has far-reaching implications.

“You need to make radical changes in parts of your life that you might not intuitively think need changing.”

If you are losing the battle against porn, let me exhort you, as a fellow fighter by God’s grace: You need to make radical changes in parts of your life that you might not intuitively think need changing.

What about your job? Could the chokehold that porn currently has on you be strengthened by your daily vocation? Sometimes companies require you to have a smartphone, or to be online, alone, during late hours. While God has grace for every situation and promises the opportunity to resist temptation, I’ve met more than one fellow struggler who would have been much better off had they laid down their vocation at the feet of Jesus, and chosen radical repentance instead. What does it profit a man to gain the world but forfeit his soul to the lust that will damn him?

Likewise, I’ve known friends, especially men, who don’t realize how their lack of industriousness (or their dead-end job) is actually feeding a sense of aimlessness that makes them more vulnerable to the lure of porn. But the gospel commands those who are born again to reckon themselves dead to sin and alive to Christ (Romans 6:11). If you aren’t being a faithful steward of your time in helpful, character-building work, take radical repentance with you to a different situation.

Consider too your hobbies. Most people who are serious about fighting lust know intuitively there are some movies and sitcoms they need to leave behind. A friend of mine was deeply frustrated at his lack of progress in this battle. He loved video games. But as he spoke and confessed that failure was still the norm, I started to realize that radical repentance for him would look like cultivating better, more life-giving hobbies. He was trying to negotiate with his old habits, instead of infusing them with radical repentance. His three hours of daily gaming were not neutral; they were actually artifacts of a cloistered lifestyle that had been tailored to resist valuable means of grace in the fight against lust.

Repentance Brings Us Gain, Not Loss

Radical repentance isn’t just subtraction; it’s addition too. One of the most helpful pieces of counsel I received was that I should start cultivating the skills, ambitions, and opportunities God had given to me, instead of merely sitting on the couch, retreating from life out of shame at the past.

“Radical repentance isn’t just subtraction. It’s addition too.”

What holy ambitions have you been ignoring while merely trying to keep your head above water? Don’t just passively sit on the forgiveness and new life Jesus gives you. Turn it into a new job, one that empowers you to work heartily and serve others. Turn it into new hobbies, especially offline ones that can take you outside your own head. Turn it into a new lifestyle of sacrificial giving and of “radically ordinary” hospitality. Sin has no power over you, because you are under grace (Romans 6:14) and bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). Why not live like it?

Jesus offers much more than a cleansing purge. He offers an eternally springing fountain of himself that spills into every well in our heart. Trust me, whatever you lose in radical repentance is not something you want to keep. Radical repentance begins and ends with delight: delight in God, delight in what he loves, delight in his good gifts, and delight in his promise to never cast you away or leave you. Go to him — radically.

Samuel James serves as associate acquisitions editor at Crossway Books and managing editor of Letter & Liturgy. He lives in Wheaton, Illinois, with his wife Emily and son Charlie.

Article posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-to-leave-porn-behind

Your Morning Will Come Trusting God in the Darkest Nights

Article by  Jared Mellinger, Pastor, Glen Mills, Pennsylvania

We took our 2-year-old daughter to the hospital for what we thought would be an ordinary visit. I threw in my bag the two books I had been reading that day. One was by a Christian leader diagnosed at age 39 with a rare form of incurable cancer. The other was a book on Romans 8 by Ray Ortlund, who writes, “A strong confidence in God’s loving intentions and enveloping care fortifies us to face whatever life throws at us.”

That same day, life threw something big at me. While we were at the hospital my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, which has been the deepest sorrow I have known and the greatest threat to my hope. Currently, our daughter continues her treatment. More than ever before, my soul needs to know how to face the future without fear. Where can we turn when the cares of our hearts are many, and fears threaten to overwhelm us?

Whispers in the Dark

No one is better equipped to speak to our fears than Jesus Christ. On the night before he was crucified, he helped his disciples as they considered their future and were fearful, distressed, and lonely. He said to them, “Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:27). And Jesus not only gives the command; he speaks truths designed to lead them from fear to faith. He gives them good news about their future.

The answer is not to stop thinking about the future. Rather, we overcome fear of the future by remembering our future in Christ. That night, when confidence was waning, and the disciples were troubled by the days to come, Jesus reminded them that he was going to prepare a place for them (John 14:3). He said that he will give them a Helper, the presence of the Spirit for power and comfort and instruction, to be with them forever (John 14:16). Jesus gives his disciples the promise of eternal life with God: “Because I live, you also will live” (John 14:19).

I naturally spend more time dwelling on what I don’t know about my future than what I do. But the word of God reveals glorious truths about our future in Christ. What we know about the future needs to shape the way we view what we don’t know.

More Grace Will Come

One morning, when my daughter was so weak from battling cancer that she could not walk, and our family was more exhausted than we have ever been, my wife read a Charles Spurgeon quote to me from the book Beside Still Waters. She read it through tears. They were tears of sorrow, tears of comfort, tears of hope.

We have great demands, but Christ has great supplies. Between here and heaven, we may have greater wants than we have yet known. But all along the journey, every resting place is ready; provisions are laid up, good cheer is stored, and nothing has been overlooked. The commissary of the eternal is absolutely perfect.

Military posts usually include a commissary, which is a store of food and supplies. Our needs are many, but Christ knows all of our needs and has already prepared to meet them. Nothing has been overlooked. God promises to provide for our future needs by giving us future grace. We are poor in ourselves, but we will find riches of grace in Christ.

Godly Optimism

Those who belong to Christ have every reason to be optimistic about the future. Hope dominates our outlook. We look at everything that could possibly come our way in life and consider ourselves more than conquerors. Randy Alcorn says, “Because of the certainty of Christ’s atoning sacrifice and his promises, biblical realism is optimism.”

The Bible promotes optimism, but it is a certain kind of optimism. It is not the secular optimism of positive thinking, or the natural optimism of a laid-back personality, but the godly optimism of Christian hope. True hope endures in the darkness. It is through tears of faith-led lament that we see the beauty of our hope most clearly. Godly optimism is marked by realism and mixed with grief. We know that in this world we will have trouble, but we take heart trusting the one who has overcome the world (John 16:33). Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

Why Your Future Is Bright

What do we know about the days to come? We know that for every changing circumstance, there is new mercy from our faithful God (Lamentations 3:22–23). We know that whatever trials we face, God will be with us to guide and preserve us (Isaiah 43:2). We know that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38–39).

You don’t know everything about your future, but you know the most important parts:

• God will be with you.
• Christ will intercede for you.
• The Holy Spirit will empower you.
• God will supply your needs.
• The risen Lord will protect you.
• The love of God will keep you.
• All things will work for your good.
• The defeat of sin and death is sure.
• You will see Christ face to face.
• You will worship the Lamb who was slain.
• Your body will be resurrected.
• Your sorrows will be no more.
• You will be with loved ones in Christ.
• You will be richly rewarded.
• Christ will make all things new.

We often fall short of the hope and courage we ought to have as Christians. But day by day, Christ is changing us and empowering us to face the future with confidence in him. Therefore, be strong in the Lord Jesus. Let your heart take courage. Look to the days ahead with joy-filled hope.

By the grace of God, we are learning to expect a bright tomorrow. If you trust him, your morning will come.

Jared Mellinger (@JMellinger) is senior pastor at Covenant Fellowship Church in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania. He’s married to Meghan, has six children, and is the author of Think Again: Relief from the Burden of Introspection and A Bright Tomorrow: Facing the Future without Fear.

Article posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/your-morning-will-come

Lay Aside the Weight of "Not Feeling Like It"

Article by Jon Bloom

What do you not feel like doing today?

You know what I mean. It’s that thing that’s weighing on you, which you know would honor God because it obeys his law of love (John 15:12), or is a work of faith (2 Thessalonians 1:11), or puts “to death the deeds of the body” (Romans 8:13). You know it would be good for your soul or body or family or vocation or neighbor or church.

But you don’t feel like doing it. You know that God promises you more blessing if you do it than if you don’t. But you’re struggling to believe it because it feels difficult. It’s like you have weights on your ankles. You don’t want to muster the energy, and every distraction glows with attraction.

The Strange Pattern of Progress

While it’s true that this is our indwelling sin of which we must repent and fight to lay aside (Hebrews 12:1), the experience of “not feeling like it” can become a reminder of a gospel truth and give us hope and encouragement in this battle.

“If we want true joy, we must walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification.”

Think about this strange pattern that occurs over and over in just about every area of life:

• Healthy, nutritious food often requires discipline to prepare and eat while junk food is convenient, tasty, and addictive.

• Keeping the body healthy and strong requires frequent deliberate discomfort while it only takes constant comfort to go to pot.

• You have to make yourself pick up that nourishing but intellectually challenging book while popping in a DVD is as easy and inviting as coasting downhill.

• You frequently have to force yourself to get to devotions and prayer while sleeping in or reading the sports or checking Facebook is almost effortless.

• Learning to skillfully play beautiful music requires thousands of hours of tedious practice.

• Excelling in sports requires monotonous drills ad nauseum.

• Learning to write well requires writing, writing, writing, and rewriting, rewriting, rewriting. And usually voluminous reading.

• It takes years and years of schooling just to make certain vocational opportunities possible.

You get the idea. The pattern is this: the greater joys are obtained through struggle and difficulty and pain, while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are right at our fingertips. Why?

Why the Struggle and Difficulty and Pain?

Because God, in great mercy, is showing us everywhere, in things that are just shadows of heavenly realities, that there is a great reward for those who struggle through and persevere (Hebrews 10:32–35). He is reminding us almost everywhere to walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification (2 Corinthians 5:7).

“Greater joys come through struggle and difficulty, while brief and often destructive joys sit at our fingertips.”

Each struggle becomes an invitation by God to follow in the faithful footsteps of his Son, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).

Those who are spiritually blind only see futility in these struggles. But for those who have eyes to see, God has woven hope — faith in his future grace — right into the futility of creation (Romans 8:20–21). Each struggle becomes a pointer saying, “Look ahead, past the struggle itself, past the temptation of the puny, vapor joys to the great, sustained, substantial Joy set before you!”

Endurance, Not Indulgence

So today, don’t let “not feeling like it” reign as lord (Romans 6:12). Rather, through it see your Father pointing you to the reward he has planned for all who endure to the end (Matthew 24:13). Let it remind you that his call is not to indulgence but endurance.

Then lay this weight aside and run with faith the race he has set before you.

This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17–18)

Jon Bloom (@Bloom_Jon) serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God. He is author of three books, Not by Sight, Things Not Seen, and Don’t Follow Your Heart. He and his wife live in the Twin Cities with their five children.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lay-aside-the-weight-of-not-feeling-like-it

Perfect Timing

 

Phillips Brooks, the former New England pulpiteer, was known for his calm demeanor. So you can guess the surprise of his associates when they found him pacing up and down the floor of his study like a lion in a cage. One of the friends asked, “What is the trouble, Dr. Brooks?” He abruptly responded, “The trouble is that I am in a hurry, but God isn’t.” There have been times when we have all felt that heaven’s clock is off by a few days, a few months, or a few years. God seems to be taking His time in answering that prayer, meeting that need, changing that circumstance or bringing justice. There we sit in the waiting room unattended and anxious. When we feel that way, guess whose clock needs to be reset! 

One of the great paradoxes is that the eternal God is always on time (Eccles. 3:11). He who has sat upon His throne forever, and stands beyond the ordered sequence of temporal events nevertheless pays the strictest attention to the march of time. Our times are in His sovereign and secure hands (Psa. 31:15). All our days, and all that fill our days are written down in his book (Psa. 139:16). The fact is that God’s timing is perfect. 

Ask Abraham’s servant. He was on the road for weeks on the search for a bride for Isaac. He happened to arrive at a well at the exact time Isaac’s future wife was coming to water her sheep (Gen. 24:14-15). What a coincidence! No, what providence!

Ask the Shunnamite woman. Her son had been brought back to life by the prophet Elisha. Several years later she went to see the king about a property dispute. Low and behold Elisha’s servant was standing in the king’s presence at that very moment recounting the woman’s and son’s story (2 Kings 8:5). What a coincidence! No, what providence!

Ask Mary and Joseph. They were compelled to return to their place of birth for the purposes of a census under Caesar Augustus. There in the town of Bethlehem Jesus would be born at the right time and the right place (Gal. 4:4; Micah 5:2; Luke 2:1-6). What a coincidence! No, what providence!

The eternal God is always on time. In all these cases, God orchestrated the details that brought the pieces together at the right time so that His plan would unfold in the right way. God is not in a hurry.  He knows what He is doing in us and for us. God deserves our trust, God requires our patience. Don’t forget to set your watch to heaven’s time!

Article posted at: https://www.ktt.org/resources/truth-matters/perfect-timing

Good News for Husbands

Article by Ryan Higginbottom

God does not make demands without supplying grace.

In our last article, we studied Paul’s exhortation in Ephesians 5 that husbands must “love their wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is a serious, heavy responsibility, focused on the wife’s spiritual growth (v. 27).

But in the midst of this command, we read that it is Christ’s mission to “present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing.” As a husband who falls far short of this mandate to love, I need this encouragement. Though I may fail to give myself up for my wife’s sanctification, I can be sure that Jesus gave himself up for mine!

As Christ Loves the Church

We have, however, only explored half of Paul’s instruction for husbands. First, Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (v. 25). Then, he says husbands must also love their wives as Christ loves the church.

The key section of the passage is Ephesians 5:28–30:

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body.

To apply this passage, we must consider two distinct but related questions: How do humans love their own bodies? And, How does Christ love the church?

As Your Own Body

Fortunately, we need not consider all possible ways a man cares for his body, for Paul speaks of nourishing and cherishing in verse 29.

Paul uses the word for “nourishes” later in the context of raising children to maturity (Ephesians 6:4). And the word for “cherishes” is translated as “tenderly cares” in 1 Thessalonians 2:7, where Paul describes his gentleness among the people.

So, how does a man care for his body? He nourishes his body by feeding and providing for it, through exercise, sleep, and nutrition. He strengthens and equips it. He cherishes his body by cleaning it, protecting it, and giving attention to any wounds or weaknesses.

Not all of these descriptions translate to the marriage relationship, but some do.

Just As Christ Does the Church

Christians often hear what Jesus has done for his people in history—and rightly so! His birth, life, obedience, suffering, death, resurrection, and ascension are glorious and essential.

But we don’t often recall the ways that Jesus cares for his church today. This is what Paul points to in Ephesians 5:29 when he uses the present tense, and we are to use this example, in part, to learn obedience as husbands.

Paul has not left us in the dark about Christ’s present care for the church. Consider what he has already written in Ephesians:

1. In Christ, we have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is a pledge of our inheritance (1:13–14). Jesus gives us his promise and points to the glorious future we will share with him.

2. God has put all things in subjection under Jesus’ feet, who has been given as head over all things to the church (1:20–23). Jesus is the supreme ruler, governing all things for the good of his body.

3. We have been brought near by the blood of Christ. Jesus has broken down the wall that divided Israelites from Gentiles. These are written in the past tense, but here is the present truth: Jesus is our peace. The reality of the ascended Jesus means we currently have peace with God; we are not excluded (2:11–16).

4. Because of Jesus, we have present-day access to God (2:18).

5. We are God’s household, growing into a holy temple in the Lord, a dwelling of God in the Spirit (2:19–22).

6. Paul prays that Christ would dwell in the Ephesians’ hearts by faith, so that they “may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that [they] may be filled up to all the fullness of God” (3:18–19). Christ’s presence gives a supernatural knowledge of his immense love, which fills us up to the fullness of God.

7. Christ has given gifts to the church (apostles, prophets, etc.) to equip the saints for the work of service. Since these gifts include pastors and teachers, this is a present-day work of Jesus, helping us grow in unity, knowledge, maturity, and love (4:11–16).

There are other ways that Jesus loves his church — in particular, he prays and advocates for us (Romans 8:34; Hebrews 7:25; 1 John 2:1). Isn’t his love for us lavish? Overflowing? Tender and generous?

So should a husband’s love be for his wife.

What Tender Love Looks Like

From these descriptions, we can make some practical conclusions about the ways a husband should love his wife.

Each husband must nourish and cherish his wife; this has physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Because each marriage is unique, instead of giving universal suggestions I have provided a list of questions for husbands to consider.

• Are you tending to your wife’s health? Do you pray for her physical, emotional, and spiritual vitality? As much as it depends on you, are you working to provide for her in these areas? Do you talk with her about them?
• In areas of weakness for your wife, are you tender? Does she have confidence that you are for her, protecting and covering and nurturing her, eager for her growth and flourishing?
• Do you know the best ways to pray for her? Do you pray regularly and fervently for her?
• Do you value her? Does she know how much you value her? Do you celebrate the woman she is and the woman she is becoming?
• Do you give her gifts that let her know you love her? Do you make arrangements to share special times and make memories together?

Good News for Husbands

I love the way Paul injects hope into his commands. There is difficult work here for husbands, but there is so much good news too.

Remember—Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church. He does this not simply out of obligation or command, but because we are members of his body. In the same way that a man and woman become one flesh in marriage, so it is with Christ and the church.

Out of the overflow of infinite love, God the Father sent his Son to rescue his people. Because of the work of the Son in history, we are now joined to him—in love—forever.

Husbands, love your wives. Nourish and cherish her as your own body. Do so knowing that, as part of the church, Christ loves you with a tender, unbreakable, unending love. And in that love and strength you will be able to love your wife.

Ryan Higginbottom teaches mathematics at Washington & Jefferson College. He lives with his wife and two daughters in southwest Pennsylvania where they are members of Washington Presbyterian Church. You can connect with Ryan at his blog or on Twitter.

Article posted at: https://unlockingthebible.org/2018/07/good-news-husbands/

You Want a God of Judgment

Article by Derek Rishmawy

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

Frederick Douglass asks this question in his autobiography after recounting the tragedy of his grandmother’s death. After a lifetime of bondage and servitude to her masters, when she was too old to be of use to them, they callously sent her off to die alone, apart from her family.

Douglass could’ve asked the question, though, at nearly any point in his harrowing story of hope and fortitude amid inhumanity and cruelty. The beatings. The murders. The calculated theft of time, family, and dignity. Since I read his story, that question has been reverberating in my mind.

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

It continues to echo, though, for more than just the past injustices of American slavery. The crimes and atrocities reported by the 24-hour news cycle—the cycle that threatens to churn up our souls most days—lead me to turn this question over and over again in my mind.

Every headline I read about yet another sexual abuse victim coming forward, testifying to abuse by a major Hollywood mogul. Or worse, by the victim’s famous youth pastor and the church who covered it up.

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

Every victim of political injustice who makes the nightly news, both abroad and at home.

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

Every report of a child who has been abused and traumatized in an immigration detention center for the last few years (despite the fact most of us are only hearing about it now).

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

Every day abortion mills are open in America, legally ending the lives of thousands of unborn children—children never held, never loved, never even given the dignity of a name. Children we never think about because their lives are snuffed out behind closed doors in sterilized rooms with white-gloved hands. Children known only to the all-seeing God.

Will not a righteous God visit for these things?

You know I could go on because you know the crimes, the depredations you can’t think on too long without shutting down for the day. One person captured this feeling well when he tweeted, “Being angry all the time is exhausting and corrosive. Not being angry feels morally irresponsible.”

But while the strain of our anger-inducing media culture affects us all, there is at least one small benefit. We’re finally in a place where we can see the goodness of David’s praise: “God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day” (Ps. 7:11).

Righteous God Who Judges

We’re often told our culture doesn’t want an angry God of judgment. This age can’t abide any more teaching on a God full of wrath, who will prepare his weapons for battle with the unrepentant oppressors of God’s people.

But I don’t entirely buy that view. Not when I think of our rage. Not when I think of our righteous anger at injustice. In a world crooked and ruined with rebellion, I think deep down we all know we need a God who “feels indignation every day.” We know it would be a greater tragedy if God never visited for for these things. We would be terrified to discover he was an unrighteous judge who never condemned, never punished, never dealt with the crimes of the world—which is no judge at all.

In a world crooked and ruined with rebellion, I think deep down we all know we need a God who ‘feels indignation every day.’

Isn’t that part of what feeds our anxiety and disquiet? Are we not like Jeremiah, wondering “why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?” (Jer. 12:1). Are we not plagued with the suspicion that nothing is ever going to get done? That no matter how we vote, or whom we call, or where we protest, the powerful will keep getting away with it? The violent will keep grinding the weak into the dust? That, even though some get caught, many will still prosper because they know how to game the system and pervert the law? Are not our fears those of the psalmist, who worries the Lord is hiding himself in these times of trouble (Ps. 10:1)?

At these moments our hearts need a God who names, judges, and punishes sin. We need a God to whom we can call, “Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted” (Ps. 10:12)—in confidence that he will answer. We need a God who will eventually visit for these things.

Judgment Deserved

Of course, that’s not the only source of our anxiety and disquiet, is it? Because just as the overwhelming flood of news may fill us with righteous anger at injustice, it also engulfs us with a sense of the thousand different ways we are complicit in injustice.

We might not repeat racist jokes, but we don’t say much when we hear them. We might not traffic sex workers, but we’ve watched porn that does (not to mention its inherently degrading nature). We might not steal from our neighbors, but we keep and spend money on ourselves we know we could give. We are enmeshed, as the Book of Common Prayer says, “in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.”

Indeed, I have a hunch this nagging sense of culpability is an unspoken motivator behind some of our most frenetic and angry political engagement. Many of us are on a quest—a quest we may not realize or admit—to justify and atone for our unrighteousness. If we can spot the sins and hypocrisies of our neighbors—however subtle to the untrained eye—we must not be guilty of them ourselves. And so we work for the good, not just because it’s right, but because we need to prove to ourselves and the watching world we aren’t complicit. Our very sense of self is on the line.

In the back of our minds, then, the thought that a righteous God will visit for these things isn’t entirely good. We wonder, “If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O LORD, who could stand?” (Ps. 130:3).

Here we see the way the old-time gospel of the cross has a word to speak to our conflicted age—an age wavering between outraged and guilty consciences.

Judgment Bearer

This clear word comes to us in the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In the death of the Son, God “condemned sin in the flesh” (Rom. 8:3). By visiting judgment for sin at Calvary, we witness an unveiling of God’s holy will. The cross shows that God forbears human sin because he is patient toward sinners, not ambivalent toward sin (Rom. 3:26). God truly does hate injustice, though he often stays his hand. But we also see that his patience won’t last forever (2 Pet. 3:7–10). We can know a righteous God will visit for these things, because he has visited for these things.

Nevertheless, there is hope to stand on in that day, since in the cross we also learn that “with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you” (Ps. 130:4). For those who trust in Christ, he has stood in their place, suffered the condemnation of God, but also has been raised up and vindicated for our justification (Rom. 4:24). There is grace for those who repent and receive Christ by faith; our sins have been forgiven, and we’ve been cleansed from a guilty conscience (Heb. 9:13–14).

The old-time gospel of the cross has a word to speak to our conflicted age—an age wavering between outraged and guilty consciences.

Even more, the gospel of the cross is a massive motivator in the present. For those who persist in oppression and unrighteousness, it stands as a sign of God’s justice: “Turn from your sin before my patience reaches its end, and I come visit for these things.” But it also offers hope: “Turn from your sin, and I will pour my grace on you. Leave your wickedness behind.” Even more, it tells those who work for righteousness: “Keep at it. Walk faithfully with your God and do as much justice as you can, and trust that he will vindicate.” And it frees us from the burden of needing to justify ourselves. Instead, we can simply work to imitate and serve our justice-loving God.

Will not a righteous God visit for these things? we ask.

He did 2,000 years ago, and he will again. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Derek Rishmawy is a systematic theology PhD student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He contributes to Christ and Pop Culture, Christianity Today, and writes at his own blog, Reformedish. He also co-hosts a podcast called Mere Fidelity. You can follow him on Twitter.

Article posted at:  https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/you-want-god-judgment/

Spiritual Growth is Bot an Accident

Article by Jon Bloom

We have a small garden at our home. Usually we enjoy looking at it through our kitchen window in the summer. But we haven’t enjoyed it much lately because among the perennials and annuals we’ve planted, a fair amount of weeds are growing. Why? Because I haven’t tended the garden for a number of weeks. Why? Because I’ve been busy doing other things and neglected our garden.

Perhaps my neglect has been a dereliction of duty — putting lesser priorities ahead of our garden. Perhaps my neglect has been the result of choosing not to be derelict in more important duties. Either way, our garden is reminding me that what a gardener does or doesn’t do really matters.

Our Work Matters

If a gardener wants certain flowers or shrubs or grass or trees to grow in his garden, he must actually cultivate the ground and plant them. But that’s just the beginning. He then must persistently and diligently work to nurture and protect what he’s planted from drought, weeds, pestilence, and pesky critters (like my hole-digging dog).

This even holds true for a Calvinist gardener. If I believe it doesn’t really matter how (or if) I do my gardener’s work — because God will make sure every garden he ordains to exist will grow and flourish — then I hold an errant understanding of how God’s sovereignty and my responsibility work.

“God gifts us with the incredibly gracious dignity of real responsibility.”TweetShare on Facebook

When the apostle Paul rightly said that “God gave the growth” to the church plant in the garden at Corinth, he fully believed his work of planting, and Apollos’s work of watering, were the necessary means of that God-given growth (1 Corinthians 3:6). Paul knew he didn’t create the “seed”; he was entrusted with it. Apollos knew he didn’t create the “water”; he was entrusted with it. Both knew they didn’t create the “sun” or “soil” or other environmental factors necessary for the “plant’s” growth. And yet they both worked as though their labors were vital to the survival of the “plant,” because their labors were vital. If the seed wasn’t planted, the plant wouldn’t grow. If the plant wasn’t watered, the plant would die.

Our “gardening” labors being necessary to the germination and growth of “plants” in the gardens of God do not detract from God’s sovereign jurisdiction over all things. This is how he has sovereignly ordered our roles in the gardens he gives us to tend. He gifts us with the incredibly gracious dignity of real responsibility — meaning, what we choose to do or not do affects real outcomes in our gardens.

And yet God does not mean for us to be crushed under the weight of fear lest we fail in our responsibilities. Instead, he promises to supply us all we need to do our gardening work if we learn to live like plants.

Gardeners Like Plants

In the kingdom, just like all Christians are sheep (John 10:27) and yet some are called to the work of shepherding (1 Peter 5:2), all Christians are plants, and yet we’re also called to the work of gardening. Now as plants, this is how God intends for us to live:

Blessed is the man . . . [whose] delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. (Psalm 1:1–3)

“You likely cannot care well for every garden you wish to grow.”TweetShare on Facebook

Notice what is vital to the flourishing of the “tree”: the “tree’s” meditating frequently on God’s word to nourish faith. If that condition is not met, the tree’s roots won’t tap into the stream, and the tree should not expect to yield fruit in its season or have healthy leaves. Jesus essentially says the same thing in this text:

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4–5)

Notice what is vital to the flourishing of the “branch”: the “branch’s” continual attachment to the vine. If that condition is not met, the branch will be unable to bear fruit and will wither (John 15:6).

When it comes to us, as “plants” (trees or branches), we see the same design of our sovereign God: what we do, or don’t do, really matters. How precisely our real responsibility works with God’s ultimate sovereignty is not a mystery God means for us to solve. It’s a truth he means for us to trust. The important thing we need to know is that if we draw from the stream or from the vine, we will have all we need to tend the gardens God gives us.

How Do Your Gardens Grow?

We are all “plants,” and we are all “gardeners.” Gardening is, after all, the original job God gave to man when he “put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). Like Adam and Eve, God has given us “gardens” to tend, and he expects us to work and keep them. And the work we do really matters to the condition of the gardens.

What gardens has he given you? And as the quite contrary Mary was asked in the nursery rhyme, “How do your gardens grow?” What have you planted? For a plant only comes forth from a planted seed. How are you nurturing what’s been planted? For gardening requires persistent, diligent work.

“God has given us each ‘gardens’ to tend, and he expects us to work and keep them.”TweetShare on Facebook

Do you know which are your primary gardens and which are your secondary gardens? Are your primary gardens receiving your primary attention? You likely cannot care well for every garden you wish to grow. At times, the needs of your primary gardens will require you to neglect some secondary gardens for a season, and other secondary gardens altogether. For God promises his stream-fed trees and abiding vines sufficient grace for every good gardening work he gives them to do (2 Corinthians 9:8), but not every gardening work that appeals to them or that he has assigned to someone else.

The little garden outside our kitchen window is a secondary garden currently neglected due to time-consuming needs in more important “gardens.” I hope to give it attention soon, but for now, it must wait. And while it waits, it’s reminding me that when it comes to any of my gardens, what I do and don’t do really matters.

Jon Bloom (@Bloom_Jon) serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God. He is author of three books, Not by Sight, Things Not Seen, and Don’t Follow Your Heart. He and his wife live in the Twin Cities with their five children.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/spiritual-growth-is-not-an-accident

The Importance of Doctrine

Article by Paul David Tripp

"Daddy, did God make telephone poles?"

It was another one of those endless and seemingly unimportant questions that a kid will ask at the end of a long day that makes a parent go slightly insane.

Luella and I had been teaching our children that God created the world and everything in it, and as our family drove to Burger King, my son looked out the window at the telephone poles that lined the street, mulling over the "doctrine of creation" in his little brain. Justin was very young at the time, so he didn't actually know anything about doctrine, at least at an academic level. But his question was still deeply theological.

Why was our little philosopher thinking about those telephone poles? Because he was a human being; he was simply doing what God designed us to do.

DESIGNED TO THINK

You may be a plumber, a Fortune 500 CEO, a housewife and stay-at-home mom, a music teacher, or a professional athlete, but you're also a full-time thinker. Some of us think improperly and inconsistently, and some of us reveal our thinking more publicly than others, but if you're a person, you think. You've never had a thoughtless day in your life.

Little children, like my Justin, never quit asking questions. Teenagers constantly obsess over what's fair and unfair. Husbands and wives argue because they've interpreted a particular situation differently. Older people look back over the years and try to make sense of it all, often paralyzed by regret.

You see, we all do it - we think.

Thinking about life, and our desire to understand, is a deeply and uniquely human thing to do. It gets to the heart of how God wired us to operate, yet it tends not to get the publicity that it should. Most of the time we don't realize that we're thinking, and we fail to understand the profound significance it has on our lives.

Every day, at some point and in some way, we'll try to make sense out of our lives. Some will dig through the mound of artifacts from our past, looking back on their journey and trying to figure out "if only" they had or hadn't done this or that. Others will endlessly toss around their current situations, locations and relationships, evaluating certain responses compared to others. Still more will gaze into the future, hoping to somehow divine what's to come and prepare themselves for it.

Chances are, you've probably done all three already today. Or, if you're reading this in the morning, it won't be long before you do.

THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THINKING

Every human being has constructed a superstructure of life assumptions that functions as the instrument they use to make sense of life. It can be the result of a combination of things, such as upbringing, education, life experiences, and personality traits, but we all look at life through this interpretive grid.

This is vital to understand: Thought always precedes and determines activity.

I want you to stop and write down that sentence. If there's only one thing you take away from this long article, it needs to be this concept.

Make it personal: My thoughts always precede and determine my activity.

It's crucial that you become more conscious of the vibrant mental activity that so influences the choices you make, the words you speak, and the things you desire.

You and I don't act out of instinct like the rest of the creatures in the animal kingdom. We don't do what we do because of what we're experiencing in the moment. Rather, we think, speak, and act based on the way we've thought about and interpreted what we're experiencing.

Social experiments have proven this time and time again. If you place three different people in the very same situation, they can have three remarkably different reactions. Why? Because each individual has interpreted that situation through their personal thinking grid.

A variance in interpretation will always lead to a variation in response.

THE IMPORTANCE OF DOCTRINE

Let me connect all that about thinking with the importance of doctrine.

The God who designed you to be a thinker is the same God who inspired the writers of the Old and New Testaments to pen his truths. God hardwired us to view life through an interpretative grid, and he also gave us his Word to shape that grid.

The Bible is a book, filled with doctrine, that defines what is good, right and true. A loving Creator gave it to his dependent creatures so they would know how to properly make sense out of life. Or, to phrase it differently, the Bible is the tangible result of the "Meaning Giver" explaining foundational truths to the "meaning makers" he created.

Every person who has ever lived exists in desperate need of the unfolded mysteries that make up the content of Scripture. Without it, we wouldn't know how to think about life. We wouldn't know for sure if what we knew was true, and we wouldn't know if what we thought we knew was good and morally right!

When you understand the Bible in this way, it no longer becomes relegated to the hallowed and separate corridors of institutionalized religion. No, on the contrary, the Bible is a life book given for life purposes, so that everybody everywhere would use it to understand life, and ultimately the Author of Life.

Naturally, since Scripture contains doctrines, these doctrines shouldn't be reserved for academic seminarians. They're living and divine tools of salvation, transformation, identity and guidance.

That's why I'm writing this series. I want to help you think about the complex doctrines of the Bible and help you see how they impact your everyday thoughts, words, and actions.

THE PURPOSE OF DOCTRINE

Now that we've looked at the importance and overall purpose of doctrine, I want to unpack three specific ways in which it impacts our everyday life.

1. Every doctrine provides an explanation

We wouldn't be able to fully understand the implications of the fall of Adam and Eve, the calling of Abraham, the righteous life of Jesus, the cross, the empty tomb, the ascension, the establishment of the church, and so forth if it weren't for the explanatory doctrines of God's Word.

Through doctrine, God helps us to understand how we have acted in sin and how he has responded in grace. We are not saved by the doctrine, but by the historical things God has willingly and graciously done on our behalf. Doctrine explains those things to us so we can admit our need, reach out for God’s help, and move forward in a new and better way.

2. Every doctrine is a shorthand.

Every doctrine you'll come across in Scripture provides a shorthand for things God knows are vital for us to know and understand. It allows us to summarize vast amounts of content and historical activity in one word.

For example, the doctrine of justification captures the nature of God's character (completely holy and intolerant of sin), humanity's need (rescue from total depravity), and God's response to (wrath against sin) and provision for (the sacrifice of Jesus Christ) that need.

We can now substitute the term "justification" for the entire story of all the things God did to secure our position as his children.

3. Every doctrine provides a means to an end.

It's very important to remind ourselves that the doctrines of the Bible were never intended to be an end in themselves, but rather, a means to an end.

The doctrines God has revealed have a greater purpose than to give you a big theological brain, and they're meant to provide more for you than just an outline and a theological confession.

Doctrine is meant to be a means to an end, and the end is a transformed life.

THORN BUSHES AND CYPRESS TREES

Perhaps the best word picture for what the doctrines of the Bible were intended to do for us and in us is found in Isaiah 55:10-13. The prophet equates the truths in the Bible being like rain or snow that falls and waters the earth.

Read what Isaiah writes:

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

"For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."

God, in his Word, and Jesus Christ, during his earthly ministry, used a lot of word pictures to reveal spiritual truths in physical terms. But, when you read this passage, you have to admit that this is one of the strangest physical word pictures in all of the Bible.

I'm no botanist, but I'm pretty sure that if I had a thorn bush in my backyard, rain would produce a bigger thorn bush, not a cypress tree. I don't think I've ever experienced a well-watered brier magically morphing into a myrtle.

What is God, through the prophet, trying to communicate by stretching our botanical understanding? What is this bizarre metaphor telling us about what God intends the truths (doctrines) of his Word to produce?

DOCTRINE RESULTS IN TRANSFORMATION

This strange word picture is meant to drive us to one conclusion: the doctrines found in the Word of God are not just designed to increase information, but rather produce radical, organic transformation. You see, the plants that are being watered don't become bigger plants; they become an entirely different plant altogether!

God's plan is for the rain of biblical doctrine to fall on us and change us. We won't become better renditions of ourselves, but entirely different, spiritually. God uses doctrine as a means to turn angry people into peacemakers, greedy people into givers, demanding people into servants, lustful people into pure people, faithless people into believers, proud people into humble people, rebels into obedient people, and idolaters into worshipers of the one true God.

This is why doctrine should never be reserved only for the brains of our academic theologians in seminary. Is it important for our smartest thinkers to unpack them for us? Of course, but these big doctrines have real life implications. They're meant to turn you inside out and turn your world upside down. God's intention is that nothing in their path would ever be the same again.

When you properly understand the doctrines contained in Scripture, they'll transform your identity, reshape your relationships and redirect your finances. Your calendar, your words, your hobbies and your leisure will look different. You won't think about your past and your future in the same way you once did, and you'll look at the present through an entirely different grid.

Doctrine is a beautiful gift, supplied by a God of amazing grace. They're not burdensome, life-constricting beliefs; they impart new life and new freedom. They're the ecosystem in which the garden of personal transformation grows.

I hope you're as excited as I am to start unpacking the doctrines found in Scripture!

Article posted at:  https://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/the-importance-of-doctrine-article?utm_source=Paul+Tripp%27s+Email+List&utm_campaign=eb0cbac288-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_07_02_12_23&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_98fc0484da-eb0cbac288-125932025&mc_cid=eb0cbac288&mc_eid=77c6b2b823

When the Not-Yet Married Meet: Dating to Display Jesus

Article by Marshall Segal  Staff writer, desiringGod.org

Dating is dead.

So says the media. Girls, stop expecting guys to make any formal attempt at winning your affections. Don’t sit around waiting for a boy to make you a priority, communicate his intentions, or even call you on the phone. Exclusivity and intentionality are ancient rituals, things of the past, and misplaced hopes.

I beg to differ. It’s not that this new line of thinking is necessarily untrue today, or that it’s not the current and corrupt trend of our culture. It’s wrong. One of our most precious pursuits, that of a lifelong partner for all of life, is tragically being relegated to tweets, texts, and snaps, to ambiguous flirtation and fooling around. It’s wrong.

Dating That Preserves Marriage

There is a God. And this God created and rules his world, including men, women, the biological compulsions that bind them together, and the institution that declares their union and keeps it sacred and safe. Therefore, only he can prescribe the purpose, parameters, and means of our marriages.

If fullness of life could be found in sexual stimulation, or if it was just a matter of making babies, the “forget formality and just have sex” approach might temporarily satisfy cravings and cause enough conception. But God had much more in mind with romance than orgasms or even procreation, and so should we. So must we.

When people in the world are expecting less and less of each other in dating, God isn’t. So, as singles we have to work harder in our not-yet-married relationships to preserve what marriage ought to picture and provide.

Mom, Where Do Weddings Come From?

Nothing in my life and faith has been more confusing and spiritually hazardous than my pursuit of marriage. From far too young, I longed for the affection, safety, and intimacy I anticipated with a wife.

Sadly, my immature and unhealthy desires predictably did much more harm than good. I started dating too early. I stayed in relationships too long. I experimented too much with our hearts and allowed things to go too far. I said, “I love you” too soon. And now my singleness is a regular reminder that I messed up, missed opportunities, or did it wrong.

Maybe dating has been hard for you too, for these reasons or others. Maybe Mr. (or Mrs.) Right has started to look like Mr. (or Mrs.) Myth. Maybe you’ve wanted the relationship or liked the guy or girl, and you’ve never had the chance. Maybe all the suggestions and advice you’ve collected have become a confusing mess of good-intentioned contradictions and ambiguity. It’s enough to leave you like an eight-year-old, asking, “Mom, where do weddings come from?”

Expecting More from Marriage

The vision of marriage we see in God’s word — the beautiful, radical display of God’s infinite, persevering love for sinners — makes it worth it to date, and date well. The world’s approach can provide fun and sex and children and eventually even some level of commitment, but it cannot lead to the life-giving Jesus after whom our marriages are to take their cues.

“The vision of marriage we see in God’s word makes it worth it to date, and date well.”

Friends who enjoy sex with “no strings attached” will find pleasure, but not the peaks waiting on the other side of mutual promises. The happiness of marriage is not only or even mainly physical. With the sex, there ought to be a deep sense of safety, a sense of being loved and accepted for who you are, a desire to please without the need to impress. When God engineered the sexual bond between a man and a woman, he made something much more satisfying than the act itself.

Those who recklessly give themselves to a love life of dating without really dating, of romantic rendezvouses without Christ and commitment, are settling. They’re settling for less than God intended and less than he made possible by sending his Son to rescue and repurpose our lives, including our love lives, for something more. More happiness. More security. More purpose.

And the more is found in a mutual faith in, and following of, Jesus. With this “more,” we can say to the watching world, Don’t settle for artificial and thin loyalty, affection, security, and sexual experimentation when God intends and promises so much more through a Christian union. And a Christian union can only be found through Christian dating.

If Christian dating — the intentional, selfless, and prayerful process of pursuing marriage — sounds like slavery, we don’t get it. If low-commitment sexual promiscuity sounds like freedom, we don’t get it. Jesus may ask more of us, but he does so to secure and increase our greatest and longest-lasting (sexual) happiness.

How Then Shall We Date?

For those whose roads are marked more by mistakes than selflessness, patience, and sound judgment, take hope in the God who truly and mysteriously blesses your broken road and redeems you from it, and who can begin in you a new, pure, wise, godly pursuit of marriage today.

Here are (some) principles for your not-yet marriages. It’s not nearly a comprehensive or exhaustive list. They’re simply lessons I’ve learned and hope can be a blessing for you, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and your future spouse.

1. It really is as simple as they say.

In a day when people are marrying later and later, and more and more are resorting to online matchmaking, we probably need to be reminded that marriage really is less about compatibility than commitment. After all, there has never been a less compatible relationship than a holy God and his sinful bride, and that’s the mold we’re aiming for in our marriages.

There is a reason the Bible doesn’t have a book devoted to how to choose a spouse. It was not an oversight on the part of the God of all history, as if he couldn’t see into the twenty-first century. The qualifications are wonderfully clear and simple: (1) they must believe your God (2 Corinthians 6:14) and (2) they must be of the opposite sex (Genesis 2:23–24; Matthew 19:4–6; Ephesians 5:22–32).

Now undeniably there will be more involved in your discernment while dating. Apart from questions of attraction and chemistry, which are not insignificant, the Bible articulates some roles for wives and husbands. A husband ought to protect and provide for his wife (Ephesians 5:25–29). A wife ought to help and submit to her man (Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:22–24). Fathers ought to lead their families in God’s word (Ephesians 6:4). Parents must love and raise their children in the faith (Deuteronomy 6:7). So, admittedly we are looking for more than an attractive person who “loves Jesus.”

That said, many of us need to be reminded that God’s perfect person for me isn’t all that perfect. Every person who marries is a sinner, so the search for a spouse isn’t a pursuit of perfection, but a mutually flawed pursuit of Jesus. It is a faith-filled attempt to become like him and make him known together. Regardless of the believer you marry, you will likely find out soon that you do not feel as “compatible” as you once did, but hopefully you will marvel more at God’s love for you in Jesus and the amazing privilege it is to live out that love together, especially in light of your differences.

2. Know what makes a marriage worth having.

In our worst moments, our objectives are small and misguided. We just don’t want to be alone on a Friday night anymore. We just want to post almost-candid, artistically framed pictures with someone on a bridge somewhere. We want a guilt-free way to enjoy sex. We just want a guy or girl to tell us we’re attractive and funny and smart and good at our job.

If marriage only offered us these things, though, it really wouldn’t be worth it. Many will try to deny that, but the divorce statistics are enough to establish that marriage asks more of you than most could have ever imagined on their wedding day. Most of my married friends would say that what seems fun and pretty and unbreakable at the altar did not feel as clean or easy even days into their lives together. It’s still intensely good and beautiful, but it’s costly — too costly for small aims.

Marriage is worth having because you get God in your lifelong commitment to one another. Marriage is about knowing God, worshiping God, depending on God, displaying God, being made like God. God made man and woman in his image and joined them together, giving them unique responsibilities to care for one another in their broken, but beautiful union.

What makes marriage worth having is that you, your spouse, and those around you see more of God and his love for us in Jesus. If you’re not experiencing that with your boyfriend, break up with him. If that’s not our priority, we need to get a new game plan and probably a new scorecard for our next significant other.

3. Look for clarity more than intimacy.

The greatest danger of dating is giving parts of our hearts and lives to someone to whom we’re not married. It is a significant risk, and many, many men and women have deep and lasting wounds from relationships because a couple enjoyed emotional or physical closeness without a lasting, durable commitment. Cheap intimacy feels real for the moment, but you get what you pay for.

While the great prize in marriage is Christ-centered intimacy, the great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity. Intimacy is safest in the context of marriage, and marriage is safest in the context of clarity. The purpose of our dating is determining whether the two of us should get married, so we should focus our effort there.

“The great prize in marriage is Christ-centered intimacy. The great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity.”

In our pursuit of clarity, we will undoubtedly develop intimacy, but we ought not do so too quickly or too naively. Let’s be intentional and outspoken to one another as Christians. Intimacy before marriage is dangerous, while clarity is unbelievably precious.

4. Find a fiancé on the frontlines.

This is a throwback to a previous post. The idea is to look for love in the right places. Focus on the harvest, and you’re bound to find a helper. Instead of making it your mission to get married, make your mission God’s global cause and the advance of the gospel where you are, and look for someone pursuing the same. If you’re hoping to marry someone who passionately loves Jesus and makes him known, it’s probably best to put yourself in a community of people committed to that.

This does not mean that we should serve because we might find love. God is not ultimately honored with that kind of self-serving service. No, it simply means that if we’re looking for a particular kind of person, there are good, safe, identifiable places where those kinds of people live and serve and worship together. Get involved in a community like that, serve each other, and look for God to open doors for dating.

5. Don’t let your mind marry him before the rest of you can.

While this may seem like it’s much more common among women, I’ve been single long enough around enough single guys to know it’s not exclusively a female problem. The trajectory of all truly Christian romance ought to be marriage, so it should not surprise us that our dreams and expectations, our hearts, race out ahead of everything else.

It simply isn’t that hard to imagine what your children would look like or where you would vacation together or how family holidays would work or what kind of house you might buy. And just like sex, all these things could be really good and safe and beautiful, but in the context of your covenant. Satan wants to subtly help you build marriage and family idols that are too fragile for your not-yet-married relationship.

“He told me he loved me.” “She said she would never leave.” They’re the seemingly priceless sentences that don’t always cash. They’re often said with good intentions, but without the ring — and without a ring, the results can be devastating. Guard your heart and imagination from running out ahead of your current commitment.

6. Boundaries make for the best of friends.

The most oft-asked dating question among Christians might be “How far is too far before marriage?” The fact that we keep asking that question suggests we all agree we need to draw some lines and that the lines seem pretty blurry to most. If you’re pursuing marriage and it’s going well, you’re going to experience temptation — a lot of temptation.

Sexual sin may be the devil’s weapon of choice in corrupting Christian relationships. If you don’t acknowledge your enemy and engage him, you’ll find yourselves wondering how you lost so easily. Some of our best friends in the battle will be the boundaries we set to keep us pure.

While spontaneous plunges into intimacy look great in chick flicks and feel great in the moment, they breed shame, regret, and distrust. Let’s try talking about touching before touching. Trade some titillation for trust, surprise for clarity and confidence. Make decisions prayerfully and intentionally before diving in.

Boundaries are necessary because on the road to marriage and its consummation, the appetite for intimacy only grows as you feed it. You are biologically built that way. Touching leads to more touching. Being alone together in certain situations will welcome fierce temptation. Even praying together or talking for hours upon hours on the phone can create unhealthy overdoses of intimacy with not-yet spouses.

If we’re honest, we much more often like to err by wading into love too far rather than waiting too long to take the next step. You will be hard-pressed, though, to find a couple regretting the boundaries they made in dating, while you will very easily find those that wish they would have made more. As followers of Christ, we really ought to be the most careful and vigilant.

Boundaries protect, and boundaries provide the trenches of trust-building. As we establish some mutual boundaries, small and large, and commit to keeping them together, we develop depths and patterns of trust that will serve our intimacy, covenant-keeping, and decision-making should God lead us to marry each other.

7. Consistently include your community.

Dating is a matter of doing your best to discern a person’s ability to fulfill God’s vision and purpose for marriage with you. While you might be the one with the final say, you might not be the best person to assess at every point. Just as in every other area of your Christian life, you need the body of Christ as you think about whom to date, how to date, and when to wed.

While it’s rarely quick or convenient, gaining the perspective of people who know you, love you, and have great hope for your future will always pay dividends. It may lead to hard conversations or deep disagreement, but it will force you to deal with things you did not or could not have seen on your own. You’ll find safety with an abundance of counselors (Proverbs 11:14).

Invite other people to look into your relationship. Spend time together with other people, couples and singles, who are willing to point out the good, the bad, and the ugly.

8. Let all your dating be missionary dating.

No, I am not encouraging you to date not-yet believing men or women. When I say missionary dating, I mean dating that displays and promotes faith in Jesus and his good news, a dating that is in step with the gospel before the watching world. I want us to win disciples by dating radically — by confronting the world’s paradigms and pleasure-seeking with sacrifice, selflessness, and intentionality.

“In your dating, confront the world’s paradigms with sacrifice, selflessness, and intentionality.”

Men and women in the world want many of the same things you want: affection, commitment, conversation, stability, sex, and so on. Eventually, they will see that the ground under your lives and relationship is firmer than the flimsy flings they know. They’ll see something deeper, stronger, and more meaningful between you and your significant other.

Do the people in each of your lives know and love Jesus more because you’re together? Do they see God’s grace and truth working in you and your relationship as you walk through life together? Are the two of you thinking proactively about how to bless your friends and family, and point them to Christ? More and more, as the world is watering down dating, your relationship can be a provocative picture of your fidelity to Christ and a call to follow him.

Pursuing Marriage the Right Way

Is this dating perfectly safe? No. Will it keep you from being hurt or disappointed? No. Will it guarantee you never go through another breakup? No. But by God’s grace, it may guard us from deeper heartache and more devastating failure. My prayer is that these principles would prepare you to love your spouse in a way that more beautifully and dramatically displays the truth and power of the gospel.

If you are like me, you may have blown it on multiple fronts already. Maybe you’re blowing it right now in a relationship. Be willing to make the hard decisions, large and small, to pursue marriage the right way today. Whether you’re ultimately married to one another or not (or married at all, for that matter), you will thank each other later.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-the-not-yet-married-meet

Seven Strategies for Fighting Envy

Article by  Stephen Witmer   Pastor, Pepperell, Massachusetts

Envy is a stingy and demanding master. It’s stingy because, unlike many other sins, there’s absolutely nothing pleasurable about experiencing it. Most sins bait the hook: lust offers excitement and escape, greed promises wealth and pleasure, gossip promises power and participation in the inner circle. And many sins are at least temporarily pleasurable (that’s why we do them).

But with envy, it’s all hook and no bait. There’s no upside to envy, not even a small or temporary spike of guilty pleasure. That’s why no one consciously plans or schemes to envy (as you might plan to satisfy a lustful desire). We feel envy in spite of ourselves, even though we don’t want to. It’s the great unsought sin.

Envy is also terribly demanding. Although it delivers nothing, it requires much. It can absorb and dominate a life. It can poison pleasures and steal joys and waste time. Envy can make your own blessed life feel shabby and inadequate. It is, in fact, one of the sins that presents the most obvious affront to the sovereignty of God; it questions God’s plans, choices, and goodness. Envy is rebellion.

Seven Strategies for Fighting Envy

“Envy questions God’s plans, choices, and goodness. Envy is rebellion.”

Anyone, no matter how attractive, accomplished, respected, and successful, can feel envy. I’ve heard people I envied confessing their envy of other people. There’s always someone who has what we don’t or is better than we are at what we do. Envy is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic, and is often accompanied by other sins (James 3:14–16).

All of which is to say, this is an important enemy to study, understand, and battle with all our might. Below are seven strategies I’ve found helpful in the fight. Wielding these weapons won’t guarantee quick victory but will at least keep us in the thick of the fight.

1. See Clearly

In his book, The Godly Man’s Picture, the Puritan Thomas Watson wrote, “A humble man is willing to have his name and gifts eclipsed, so that God’s glory may be increased. He is content to be outshone by others in gifts and esteem, so that the crown of Christ may shine the brighter. . . A humble Christian is content to be laid aside if God has any other tools to work with which may bring him more glory.” This humble attitude is the opposite of envy, which yearns to possess what others have. Envy is an expression of selfishness and pride. It’s good to see it clearly for what it is.

2. Confess Openly

Several years ago, I looked a dear friend in the eye and confessed my envy of his abilities and successes. I asked for his forgiveness. It was humbling and very helpful. I’m not suggesting we confess to every single person we ever envy, but particularly when we begin to envy a close friend, we’re not serving them well as a faithful friend. Our confession will allow them to pray for us, and the act of naming the sin will often help to minimize its power over us.

3. Pray Instead

When I pray for the success of someone I envy, my heart starts to change. Envy pits me against them but prayer puts me on their team. I am now calling God’s blessing down upon them. I’m invested emotionally in their well-being. I begin to envy them less. In fact, their further successes now become answers to my prayers! I asked God for that very thing they’ve now accomplished. How can I resent it?

4. Pursue Friendship

Envy both isolates and then feeds on isolation. It’s difficult to grow a genuine friendship with those who trigger our sinful feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness and discontentment. So, we may begin to avoid the people or situations who make us feel that way.

Envy, in turn, thrives in isolation. When we’re not in genuine relationships with those we envy, we won’t actually love and rejoice with them in their successes. Neither will we see their very real struggles and insecurities. Instead, we will spin our own distorted narrative, and the complex realities and hardships of that person’s life won’t be a part of it.

5. Identify Idols

Over the years, God has helped me glimpse some of the root causes of my envy and this has helped enormously. In spite of the unconditional love of godly parents, I forged (from an early age) a deep identification between identity and performance which endured into my adult years. It’s not difficult to see how envy thrived: if I’m valuable because of what I achieve, and someone else can do it better, they are better than me. Comprehending the roots of my own envy has helped me better understand its deep and enduring power.

6. Run to the Gospel

To combat the idols of my heart, I now more consciously fight envy by setting my heart and mind on gospel promises and by regularly reminding myself (especially at the beginning of the day) of my identity in Jesus. Because this temptation will likely not disappear any time soon, I know I must keep onpreaching the gospel to myself.

7. Strive for Reality over Appearances

“We feel envy in spite of ourselves, even though we don’t want to. It’s the great unsought sin.”

Richard Baxter has helped me greatly through his advice to “Study first to be whatever . . . you [rightly] desire to seem.” Envy frequently focuses on the external appearances or accomplishments of others; we long for the fame or respect or achievements of that other person without giving due thought to the hardship and discipline that led to it. Baxter wisely counsels Christians to allow their desires to seem godly to other people to remind them how much more valuable it is to actually be godly. The sharp stab of envy can serve as our reminder to pursue realities (whether or not anyone else ever sees).

Perhaps you’re discouraged that those envious feelings keep ambushing you, and you long to be free. Or maybe you’ve made peace with your envy of others; perhaps you’re so used to it, you hardly even notice anymore. This is a call to fight. There is hope for us in the battle against this stingy, demanding enemy. We can fight for freedom with the gospel weapons God provides, for the sake of his awesome glory and our great joy.

Stephen Witmer (@stephenwitmer1) is the pastor of Pepperell Christian Fellowship in Pepperell, Massachusetts, and teaches New Testament at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. He helps to lead Small Town Summits, which partners with The Gospel Coalition New England to serve rural churches and pastors. He and his wife, Emma, have three children.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/seven-strategies-for-fighting-envy