APPROACHING THE FINAL EXAM OF MOTHERHOOD

Article by MARISSA HENLEY

Posted at: https://www.risenmotherhood.com/blog/approaching-the-final-exam-of-motherhood

This fall I watched my little boy grab his backpack full of thick textbooks, his lunchbox, and his trombone and walk into his first day of 9th grade. He’s a thoughtful boy, and he comforts me by wrapping his arms around my shoulders in a hug. (Did I mention he’s taller than me?) I have a high-schooler. And I’m terrified.

He’s been a delightful child and teenager so far. But it feels like the final exam of motherhood looms ahead, and I’ll soon find out if my parenting has been stellar or a disaster. It feels like the stakes are high, and my failures could impact the rest of his life. A verdict is coming on how well I’ve performed my most important task, and I’m hoping for a perfect report card: an A+ child, an A+ reputation, and an A+ motherhood GPA. Nothing less is acceptable to my anxious heart.

But when I look at my son as a final exam to ace rather than a fellow sinner being sanctified, I’ve forgotten the gospel. My fear stems from unbelief.

Maybe you’re right there with me, stepping out onto the swinging bridge between childhood and adulthood with your teen, worried that your identity and godliness hangs in the balance of your child’s choices. Maybe you’re wiping little noses and bottoms, but you’re already looking ahead nervously to the day your child will go make his or her own choices. Maybe your children are grown, and you look back at the teenage years and wonder what you could have done differently.

Wherever you’re at, take heart because the gospel changes the way we parent our teens.

Wanting an A+ Child

I’m terrified of the mistakes my teen will make. I dread the difficult conversations and disappointing consequences. But those who believe they’re healthy have no need of a doctor; those who believe they’re sinless don’t get to embrace Jesus.[1] When our teens come face-to-face with their sin, God’s gospel of grace shines.

No one wants a child like the younger brother in the parable of the prodigal son. I don’t want my child to be broke and broken, sitting in a pigsty because he’s made a mess of his life.[2] I pray my son will escape the ensnarement of sin, but I know his inevitable failures will be part of his sanctification. He won’t be perfect, and I hope his love for Christ grows as he sees his need for a Savior.

Wanting an A+ Reputation

If I’m honest, I worry most about the failures others will see. I’m tempted to think I’ve crafted a great reputation for our family, and this kid better not ruin it. I’m not only concerned about how my son’s choices will impact him; I’m concerned about how they will reflect on me.

But which would best display the glory of God: a strong family who seemingly has it all together or a weak family who loves and depends on a strong God? I want to say with the apostle Paul, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9b, ESV).

I pray our family’s choices bring glory to God, but I know our failures can also be used by the Lord to put his strength on display. We won’t be perfect, and I hope our love for Christ grows as we run to him in our weakness.

Wanting an A+ Motherhood GPA

I desperately want to ace motherhood. I often tell younger moms, “God is sovereign over your mistakes,” but I’m not sure I believe my own words. I’m eager to prove myself worthy to the Lord and others by my efforts, and I want to be the mom who nails every assignment.

The truth is God loves my son even more than I do. He proved his love by sending his Son to reconcile us to himself.[3] Our heavenly Father also has the power to work all things together for my son’s good and his growth in Christ.[4]

I pray my parenting choices bear fruit in my son’s life, but I know nothing can thwart God’s purposes for my little boy.[5] I won’t be perfect, and I hope my love for Christ grows as I rest in his grace for me and his sovereignty over our family.

When my unbelief says, “Your teen must be perfect,” the gospel says, “Your teen has a perfect Savior.”

When my unbelief says, “You better impress others with your righteousness,” the gospel says, “Let your life point others to the righteous one.”

When my unbelief says, “I hope you got this right as a mom,” the gospel says, “You’ve made mistakes, but his heavenly Father is sovereign over all.”

When our fear meets the gospel each day, God’s grace gives us the confidence for the high school years. We can stop putting our faith in perfection. Instead, we can pray that our children will grow in dependence on and devotion to the one who was perfect for them, who clothes them in grace-given righteousness, and who can set them apart for God’s glory.

1. Matthew 9:12-13

2. Luke 15:11-32

3. Romans 5:8

4. Romans 8:28-29

5. Job 42:2

I Don't Like Correction

Article by Jay Younts

 don’t like correction. There I said it. I like to be right. More importantly, I like it even more when you think I am right. 

By admitting these things I have also shown a propensity for stupidity. This is but another reminder of the danger of being wise in my own eyes. If I care most about being right, I care most about myself. This desire to be right is destructive to relationships, especially relationships in families. This is not wisdom but stupidity. 

If I am to learn, I must first love discipline and rebuke. When I recoil at the correction and rebuke of those closest to me, I make myself weak. Instead of trying to find a way to challenge a rebuke, God wants me to first learn from that rebuke. Why is my child or my spouse angry with me? It is easy to say that they are wrong. It is harder to say, what is my part in this. Am I really stupid enough to think that my actions are so wise, loving and perfect, so that no one could be hurt or offended by my words or actions?

Learning from a correction or a rebuke, even if it is out of place, means that I care more about serving God and others than I do about myself. That is a good thing. 

Being defensive is stupid, it means I have noting to learn. The reality is that I have more to learn than I can ever imagine! If those whom you love have a hard time talking with you, perhaps the problem may have more to do with you than with them. Become wise and learn to love a rebuke.

Think about it.

To learn, you must love discipline;
it is stupid to hate correction. (Proverbs 12:1)

Posted at: https://www.shepherdpress.com/i-dont-like-correction-2/?fbclid=IwAR1yZWLxIgpb0-H3ehVAzPy8Q0PhYjuxQv1deQA_mC5kkC1DIgXcQ6kOQKY

5 Sure Fire Ways to Motivate Your Child to Use Porn

Article by Rick Thomas

Before I get into five surefire ways to motivate your child to use pornography, let me establish two critical points. The first is that no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all agree on this.

The problem for many of us is that we do not understand the insidious allurement of pornography or how our behavior as parents, though unintentional, can help shape a child to crave something that can lead him to a lifetime of slavery.

There are always unintended consequences of our actions. We can’t act one way, good or bad, and expect our efforts to have no unintended consequences. Like a rock dropped into a lake, there will always be a ripple effect on our attitudes and our actions.

Secondly, pornography for a man is not primarily about the physicality of a woman. A woman’s appearance is an external magnet for the eye to enjoy, but the more significant problem for the man are the cravings of his heart.

Pornography is first and foremost about the theater of the mind where the man can enter into his virtual world and be king for a day, or in this case, king for a few minutes as he satisfies his mind with the “risk-free intrigue” of his cyber conquests.

Porn is a secret world that resides in the heart. It is lust, which feeds itself while in the darkness of a person’s mind. This reality makes what we do as parents all the more important because the mind of a child is not altogether discernible.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15

The seeds of lust can be planted in the mind of a child years before he or she is old enough to act out on what has been growing inside the heart.

The continuum of being lured and enticed by sin, to desiring and conceiving sin, does not have to happen in a rapid sequence. It can take years for this “sinful sequence” to bring sin and death to a person’s life.

In most cases, the allurement and enticement of the porn addict begin in his mind while still a child. This early and unintentional training has been a consistent pattern I have seen in counseling. A child can be in “porn training” long before there is an awareness from the child or the parents.

Non-Romantic Marriage

#1 – Porn Training – Only certain kinds of women are porn-worthy.

The Christian home should be a sexual home. God said sex was good and His first couple was not ashamed about their unique sexualities. It was only when sin entered their world that people became twisted about sex and sexuality.

One of the most significant unintended consequences of the non-romantic marriage is how it communicates that certain kinds of individuals are not “porn-worthy.” Before your mouth completely hits the floor, let me explain.

A significant characteristic of the “porn trained mind” is how some people are worthy to be lusted after, and others are not worthy. We all know who is worth our lust-filled attention.

Women certainly know what can draw the attention of a man. This awareness is why so many of them obsess over how they look, how much they weigh, what they wear, and the horror of growing old.

Though they would not connect this as being porn-worthy, and they shouldn’t, many of them want to be worthy of their husband’s attention: they want their husbands to desire them. While this is not wrong, it can be deadly, especially in a marriage where the husband does not desire his wife.

A husband who does not romantically pursue his wife can send a message to his children that she is not worthy of being pursued. She does not fit his criteria. She is not attractive to him.

Couple this with filling the child’s mind with sensual media like television, movies, and the Internet, it begins to establish a kind of “beauty” that is worthy of a person’s gaze—a beauty the Bible does not exalt.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 2:3-4

An effective way to highlight biblical beauty is for the husband to pursue his wife. Lots of hugging and kissing between the husband and wife can establish biblical beauty for the child. Holding hands, dancing in the living room, hugging for extended periods, and smooching in front of the kids are beautiful examples of who and what is worthy of a man’s love.

Instant Gratification

#2 – Porn Training – Cyber women are downloadable and extinguishable.

It’s a bad idea to give a child whatever he wants. This parenting strategy makes him the perfect candidate for porn training. An integral characteristic of the pornographer is the immediate accessibility and extinguishability of the cyber girl.

A child who receives the desires of his heart when and how he wants them met is set up for a lifetime of instant gratification. When children run the home by easily persuading their parents to give them the desires of their hearts, there is virtually nothing to stop them from getting into porn if the opportunity arises, and the opportunity will arise.

According to Covenant Eyes (CE), porn addiction owns fifty percent of all Christian men and twenty percent of all Christian women. CE also says global porn revenues are down by half due to the amount of free porn online.

Porn is exponentially easier to access than it was just ten years ago. All a person needs to enjoy porn is a heart that lusts and access to the ubiquitous web.

If the child is set up to get his selfish desires met, it won’t be hard for him to be allured by porn. Instant gratification in a child breeds instant gratification when they are adults. We’re hiding our heads in the sand to think we can meet all the desires of our children’s hearts and expect them not to be that way when they are adults.

Non-Communicative Couples

#3 – Porn Training – Married couples communicate less and less, a requirement for porn enjoyment.

One of the common complaints I hear from couples in marriage counseling is the couple’s lack of communication; they hardly talk to each other. If they do talk, it’s usually about family events, mutual transactions, and marital business.

Non-communication is a prerequisite for the “porn trainee” because viewing porn is not a verbal endeavor. Pornography is enjoyment for the twisted heart that does not require verbal interaction.

Non-communicative parents train their children to devalue words, which also teaches them to devalue the opposite sex. A man who does not talk to his wife is sending a loud message–she is not worthy of my words.

Nothing devalues a woman more than pornography. The female is objectified only to be used slavishly to satisfy the putrid mind of a man. Talking is not part of that scenario.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29

Husbands, your children need to see the value you give to your wife by giving her your best words throughout your day. Those are words that build up, cherish, nourish, and adore your wife. Show the value you place on the woman you married. Exalt her in the minds of your children.

Talking well is not only valuing the person, but it’s exalting the use of words. The purpose of words is one of the most influential ways the Lord builds us up.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. – 2 Timothy 3:16-17

No Consequences for Actions

#4 – Porn Training – Teaches a false confidence through a risk-free relationship.

A child who does not have to pay for what he has done wrong will learn how to get away with anything. No consequences for actions is the kind of thing that gives a porn addict a false confidence in a “risk-free” virtual environment.

Children need a comprehensive view of love, which means appropriate discipline when they do wrong (Hebrews 12:6). The spoiled child who suffers little consequences in life will have a low regard for rules and authority.

Porn has no rules, and it’s a low-risk habit. It doesn’t take much to do porn. It’s not like robbing a bank. A child who knows he can get away with things is easy prey for porn’s allurements.

Biblical discipline is a matter of respect and honor for God and His Word. There are rights and wrongs in God’s world. The porn addict does not have this kind of respect. The lines are blurred; a reality for him that did not begin when he first viewed pornography.

Many porn addicts have a low view of the law of God. They do not care because they have not been made to care. One of the ways you can discern respect and honor in your child is how he respects and honors his siblings or his mother.

Typically, a child will disregard his mother more than he will his dad. When children do this, they are transgressing the boundaries of honor, respect, kindness, and biblical love–all prerequisites for using porn.

Critical Community in the Home

#5 – Porn Training – Criticism and anger are the most common ways we devalue others.

Is your home a place of encouragement, praise, affirmation, and love or a place of frustration, impatience, criticalness, and self-centeredness? The porn world is a “refuge” where people go to escape the sadness of their lives. It’s a place where the addict can obtain personal satisfaction for his unsatisfying life.

A child is affected more by his home life than any other place on earth. Even the church cannot accomplish what the home can. If the home is not a shelter of encouragement, your child will be tempted to find refuge somewhere else. Porn is always beckoning the sad soul.

Porn will never criticize, condemn, admonish, discourage, or disappoint: these are the twisted lies of Satan. Porn “builds up” the hurting soul. All the addict needs to do is tweak his conscience to make it okay for his mind to do porn (Romans 2:14-15).

Once his conscience is appropriately hardened, he is home free–according to his self-deception (Hebrews 3:7). The best antidote for this kind of twisted thinking is to create a culture of encouragement in the home.

The Porn Trained Child

Porn training happens by abdication. Children are responders, and they will respond to what the parents give them. Their hearts are like open buckets, longing for their parents to fill them. It is the parent’s joy and privilege to cooperate with the Lord in directing the child to Him.

1. Parenting well does not mean your child is home free.

2. Poor parenting does not mean your child is predetermined to be bad.

A parent’s behavior does not determine the morality of the child; the grace of God does. However, your responsibility to biblically steward your children does matter. You should not presume on God’s grace (Psalm 19:13). The question for you to answer is, “How do I need to change to cooperate with the Lord in the parenting of my child?”

Posted at: https://rickthomas.net/five-sure-fire-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-use-porn/?fbclid=IwAR3IRGu6BT8RVmHZyeAtzi1PMAZTUVsVkNI1eX-3olQO-PQFFCiFVy_cWao

9 Parenting Truths

John Piper addressed the question, Does Proverbs Promise My Child Will Not Stray? in a recent episode of Ask Pastor John. As you might have guessed, the question was based on Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Piper ended the episode by sharing these 9 truths for parents to remember and follow:

1) In general, bringing up children God’s way will lead them to eternal life. In general, that is true.

2) This reality would include putting our hope in God and praying earnestly for our wisdom and for their salvation all the way to the grave. Don’t just pray until they get converted at age 6. Pray all the way to the grave for your children’s conversions and for the perseverance of their apparent conversions.

3) Saturate them with the Word of God. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God (Romans 10:17).

4) Be radically consistent and authentic in your own faith — not just in behavior, but in affections. Kids need to see how precious Jesus is to mom and dad, not just how he is obeyed or how they get to church or how they read devotions or how they do duty, duty, duty. They need to see the joy and the satisfaction in mom and dad’s heart that Jesus is the greatest friend in the world.

5) Model the preciousness of the gospel. As we parents confess our own sins and depend on grace, our kids will say, “Oh, you don’t have to be perfect. Mom and dad aren’t perfect. They love grace. They love the gospel because Jesus forgives their sins. And I will know then he can forgive my sins.”

6) Be part of a Bible-saturated, loving church. Kids need to be surrounded by other believers and not just mom and dad.

7) Require obedience. Do not be lazy. There are so many young parents today that appear so lazy. They are not willing to get up and do what needs to be done to bring this kid into line. So we should follow through on our punishments and follow through especially on all of our promises of good things that we say we are going to do for them.

8) God saves children out of failed and unbelieving parenting. God is sovereign. We aren’t the ones, finally, who save our kids. God saves kids and there would hardly be any Christians in the world if he didn’t save them out of failed families.

9) Rest in the sovereignty of God over your children. We cannot bear the weight of their eternity. That is God’s business and we must roll all of that onto him.

Posted at: https://www.challies.com/articles/9-parenting-truths-from-john-piper/

Are We Really in Danger of Making an Idol of the Family?

Article by Kevin DeYoung

“One of the acceptable idolatries among evangelical Christians is the idolatry of the family.”

That’s what I tweeted last week. To be honest, I didn’t think much about it. I’ve said similar things in sermons for the past decade, and I’ve tweeted similar things before. But this time—I was later told by friends who track with Twitter more closely than I do—the statement took on a life of its own as this one sentence was liked 1,600 times and bandied about on social media for the next few days. Unknown to me, I was (depending on who you ask) suddenly saying something wonderfully courageous or terribly misguided.

So let me clarify.

As far as I can tell, I first uttered this statement (or something close to it) in a 2010 sermon on Mark 3:31-35 entitled Jesus’s Real Family. The tweet itself comes from a more recent sermon on the miracle at Cana in Galilee. My point in both cases was that a commitment to family must not come before a commitment to God.

I began the Mark 3 sermon by noting two competing notions of the family in our culture: family as straight jacket (as in the 1998 film Pleasantville) or family as center (as in the 2000 film The Family Man). In one view, the family keeps you from everything you really want. In the other view, the family promises to give you everything you really want. Jesus promoted neither of these views. There’s no doubt the second view is much more common among Christians, and it does overlap with some Christian virtues. But it too gets some crucial things wrong when it comes to the family. I argued back in 2010 (and would argue the same today) that, according to the Bible, the family is good, necessary, and foundational, but not ultimate.

The Mark 3 sermon focused on those two words—“not ultimate”—because that was Jesus’s emphasis in verses 31-35. In Jesus’s view of the family: family ties don’t get you in, family doesn’t come first, and God’s family is open to all (that is, open to everyone who does the will of God and takes Jesus on his own terms).

There are certainly ways in which speaking of “the idolatry of the family” would be a step in the wrong direction. I’m happily married with (soon) eight children. I am most definitely a family man (and have a 15-passenger van to prove it). I would never suggest that the real problem in the world today is that parents love their kids too much or that churches are doing too much to support the family or that what really ails our culture are too many high-functioning families. In a world hellbent on redefining marriage and undermining the fundamental importance of the family, Christians would do well to honor and support all those trying to nurture healthy families.

And yet, virtually every pastor in America can tell you stories of churchgoers who have functionally displaced God in favor of the family.

• Parents who go missing from church for entire seasons because of Billy’s youth soccer league or Sally’s burgeoning volleyball career.

• Committed Christians who would never dare invite a college student or international over for Thanksgiving or Christmas because “the holidays are for family.”

• Longtime members who can’t be bothered to serve on Sundays or reach out to visitors because the whole family always gathers at grandma’s for lunch.

• Kids and grandkids who think they should be accepted into membership or be in line for baptism because their parents and grandparents have been pillars of the church.

• Churches that implicitly (or explicitly) communicate that marriage is a necessary step of spiritual maturity.

• Christians of all kinds who will jettison their theology of marriage or their convictions about church discipline once their children come out of the closet or embrace other kinds of (unrepentant) sin.

The idolatry of the family can be a real problem, either from the church that ignores singles and gears everything toward married couples with children, or from the individual whose practical commitments underscore the unfortunate reality that blood is usually thicker than theology.

God has given us many gifts in this life. Money is a gift. Sex is a gift. Work is a gift. Athletic ability and musical skill are gifts; so are intelligence and beauty. No one doubts that all of these good things can be idols. Just like the family. The conjugal family—one man and one woman whose covenant union produces offspring—is profoundly good, a necessary and foundational element of God’s creational design. But it is not ultimate. At least not if we are defining family as the natural relationships we have by marriage and blood, rather than the supernatural relationships we have by the blood of Christ.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/really-danger-making-idol-family/

Help for Parenting a LGBTQ+ Child

Article by Rick Thomas

We are totally depraved but uniquely fallen. Sometimes our unique fallenness can tempt individuals to give into the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. If you know someone struggling this way, this resource will help you to respond well to them.

The “reality of our unique fallenness” is why there is so much hope in the gospel. The Lord knew our struggles, so He gave us the solution (John 3:16). But connecting Christ to our need of transformation is not a simple process.

Think of sin like a dirty drop that you put in a clear bottle of water; it discolors the entire contents of the container. This illustration is a picture of how sin makes us “totally depraved.”

Sin comes into our system, so to speak, at conception and “totally defiles every ounce of us—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are completely corrupt. There is no part of us that has not been affected by sin.

Each person gets a “drop.” And to complicate matters, each person is “uniquely fallen.” This consequence of fallenness is one of the mysteries of sin.

After you mix in the shaping influences of sinful parents and an anti-God culture, you will not know entirely what you will have until after the child matures into adulthood. Of course, there are many more shaping influences, all of which can send a person reeling for years.

Sexual Twistedness

For some of us, the perversion of sin’s tendencies has to do with sexuality. Whether it is inherent from Adam or through other shaping influences, some people struggle with gender-related issues. Their issues do not make them weird. They are ordinary—in the sense that we all struggle with fallenness.

The reason I do not look down on LGBTQ+ people is because I have my “version of twistedness.” It would be intellectually dishonest and biblically out-of-bounds to think my sin is a better or more acceptable strain of the devil’s poison. Which is worse:

• A man lusting after a woman?

• A man lusting after a man?

• A man lusting to be a woman?

• A woman desiring any of these things?

The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. – Luke 18:11

Would any of us dare come to Jesus to compare our sin with someone else’s? We all have consumed the deadly poison from the devil’s vessel and have been uniquely affected by its twistedness. We are all in the collective stew, which will cook any goose if the miraculous saving power of Jesus does not intervene and persuade otherwise.

Loving Your LGBTQ+ Child

Perhaps you have a child who has embraced some aspect of the LGBT+ lifestyle. For many parents, this is their worst fear. Apart from death, there are probably not many situations that can wreak more havoc on a parent’s soul. If this is your situation, I’m writing to you.

I am going to give you six key things to think about if you are struggling with an LGBTQ+ child. These six things can apply to any wayward person. Perhaps your child is not struggling sexually. Still yet, you can benefit from these ideas.

Though they are not in any order of importance, as you read, ask the Lord to point out to you what is essential and what you need to take to heart. I also recommend you do not hide your hurt under a bushel. Find a friend—a trusted person you can spend time talking to and praying with about these matters.

Don’t Agree—We live in a world where everything must be accepted and tolerated. To speak against anything, other than Christianity, is not politically correct. You do not want to fall into this trap.

Jesus did not embrace our culture’s relativistic attitude and neither should you. Imagine with me, just for a moment, if Jesus did not want to offend or step on anyone’s toes. You are right: you cannot imagine it.

There are moral wrongs in our world, and it is imperative that you talk about what the Bible condemns. There are times when you must identify sinful behaviors. If not, how would anyone know the difference between right and wrong? Do not submit to the pressure of, “If I say something, I will offend him and he will never speak to me again.”

More than likely he will surround himself with people who will not critique his behavior. This posture will give life to his sin. When I sin, I have to move to the shadows because sinners love darkness more than light (John 3:19). You do not want to become part of his wickedness, but somewhere in his world, he needs to see the light. You be the radiance of Christ that he sees.

Always Love—Though you do not agree with his lifestyle, you must never speak the truth of God without the love of God (Ephesians 4:15). Season your words with grace. Never stop loving your child. While you do not want to fall into the trap of sloppy morality, you also do not want to fall into the ditch of meanness.

Stand for truth and love. Your child needs to know two things—the same two things our wonderful Counselor has told you:

• I love you so much that I will die for you (John 3:16).

• I hate your sin (Romans 3:10-12).

More than likely your child will reject you if you speak against his lifestyle. Do not let the potential of manipulation from him lure you from sharing your heart with him. When the Savior encountered the rich young man, He had to make a similar decision—

How can I love him and tell him the truth? I will love him by telling him the truth.

Discern Clearly—No matter how much he wants to convince you that’s he okay with his sin, somewhere down in his soul is a conscience that knows right from wrong (Romans 2:14-15). He has a “hidden morality,” and he’s in a trap (Galatians 6:1-2). Sin has captured your son, and he cannot extricate himself from it. The harder he tries, the more entangled he will become.

Perhaps he has hardened his heart by now (Hebrews 3:7; 1 Timothy 4:2), but don’t give up on loving him back to Christ. And remember that his problem should give you hope: his lifestyle will not fix him.

No matter where he goes or what he does, he will never be happy until he turns to God (Ecclesiastes 1:8, 12:12-14). You may be the only person in his life who holds the key to his problem.

People have tried since Adam and Eve to find happiness outside of God’s will. Ambitious leaders, dating addicts, money grabbers, and toy-centered children follow their temptations (James 1:14-15), just like the LGBTQ+ person, as they look for contentment outside of the Lord’s favor.

No matter how firm he makes his case or how sophisticated his arguments, you know the truth. You must keep your eye on what is real. Like a laser locked on its target, do not be persuaded by his worldview. It is not the truth at all. He is a hurting soul in search of wholeness through means that cannot deliver (Jeremiah 2:13).

Stop Blaming—Let’s go ahead and get this one out of the way—you were a “bad” parent. So am I. None of us are perfect parents. What parent can stand up and say, “I did it perfectly, and I know how to parent children well.” That is idiotic, and you know it.

If you are tempted to rehearse what you did wrong as a parent, I call you to repentance. We all have messed up. Could it be any other way? The person who over-focuses on where they messed up and wallows in regret has a small view of God.

Individuals who tend to wallow in regret are legalistic thinkers. What they are saying is that if they were different, their child would have been different. Can you perceive how foolish that is? A parent’s behavior does not determine the morality of the child. The grace of God does. The gospel declares,

You cannot do it. That is why I came. You are a failure. This news should not cause discouragement, but a recalibration of your sight-lines to look to the cross. Only in me do you have hope.

If you keep looking at yourself, you will be discouraged because you will never be able to do what I can do. If you need to do better, do better, but never believe that your good works will change a person. Will you trust me now?”

Keep Praying—The most powerful thing you can do for your child is to pray for him. (1) Adam has tripped him up. (2) You have tripped him up. (3) Your son has undoubtedly made mistakes. (4) And the culture has sold him a lie. It is the perfect recipe for the power of God.

Your position is never to stop praying for him. In Christ alone is your only hope. Yes, I know you know this, but I also realize that when things like this come to roost in our homes, we forget our gospel-moorings and our souls begin to drift.

It is hard to think clearly in a hurricane. There is a storm in your soul. So, let me be clear: pray for your son. You may also want to print this article and read it as often as you need to reorient your mind back to the hope that you have in the Lord Jehovah God.

Remember Heaven—Your goal and value are not in this world (Hebrews 11:9-10). You have set your affections on things that are above (Colossians 3:1-4). This blessed assurance is also the goal for your child. It is possible that you and your child will not enjoy the life you hoped for him.

Perhaps his journey will be hard. Maybe you will not get the relationship you wanted from him. Sin can do that to you. I know intimately well what it is like to have your dreams shattered when someone (or something) takes your children from you. Relationships broken and sacrificed on sin’s altars is a constant, reverberating pain in the soul.

Though sin will not allow all things to be beautiful on earth, this reality should not control your hopes or your strategies. Make sure your confidence is soundly in Christ, and you plan to help your child get to heaven.

Think with me for a moment. Suppose your child became a Christian (or is a Christian). He will eventually die and go to heaven. Though it is hard for us to think this way, there will come a time when none of this will matter. Carefully read these words:

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. – Revelation 21:4

This future reality is what you want for your son–even more than “heaven on earth.” This hope was the thing that gave our great Lord persevering grace as He endured unimaginable hardships in His life. Let’s sing His psalm, as written by the writer of Hebrews:

Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:1-2

Different Sin – Similar Problem

You may believe an LGBTQ+ person is different from you. If you do, it will throw you for a loop when you think about them. Yes, it’s a different sin, but if you substituted their sin with any other captivating problem, you will see how they are similar as every person and how your thoughts of them should be similar to how you think of any other trapped person.

LGBTQ+ is not as confusing of a sin once you give up being repulsed by it and see how it is just as insane as the so-called workaholic or relationship junky or the person who obsesses about how she looks.

I realize that working through this problem is more challenging than many of our other problems, but it can happen. You do want to provide unique care for his unique fallenness, but there is grace for any person who wants to change their life.

In one sense, the woman who wants the prettier face is similar to the man who wants to be in a woman’s body. It is like the man who hates being poor and is jealous of those who are not poor, so he lives a life of anger and jealous discontentment.

The obsessing woman, transgender thinker, and the poor man do not like who they are or what they have, so they crave to be something different. They are dissatisfied with how God has made them or where they are in life, so they are using different means to fill the awkward void in their souls.

Any person like this will be depressed until they have a transformative experience with the thirst-quenching Jesus. Pray your son has this experience. Stand like a loving, truth-telling light.

Find him the unique care that he needs if he’s willing to receive it. Guard against “accelerating your care” of him according to your timetable. He is not you. Pray for the opportunities to help him redemptively. May the Lord God use you to give him this kind of encounter with Christ.

Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. – John 4:13-14

Posted at: https://rickthomas.net/my-child-is-gay-lesbian-transsexual-transgendered-help-me/

Momentary Obedience, Forever Honor

Article by Tim Challies

We have looked at the sweet blessings God promises to those who heed the fifth commandment and we have looked at the terrible judgments he promises to those who do not. We have seen that children have a lifelong duty of honor toward their parents. But while we have learned why we ought to honor our parents, we have not yet considered how. Our question for today is this: How do we show honor to our parents, especially when we are adults? Today we will arrive at an early answer sufficient to begin to direct us. In a future article we will look for help from others to find specific, concrete ways we can extend honor.

Honor and Obey

In both descriptions of the Ten Commandments—those found in Exodus and Deuteronomy—, God commands children to “honor your father and your mother.” There is not a word about obedience. Yet when we read the applications of the commandment scattered throughout the Bible, we see obedience as a key component of the honor children owe their parents. This raises a question: Is obedience to parents permanent or is it temporary? Does honor always require obedience? If I want to honor my parents do I need to continue obeying them throughout my life? To answer these questions we need to examine honor and obedience, looking for what makes them similar and what distinguishes them.

Obey

What the fifth commandment does not require is as important as what it does require. The fifth commandment is not “Obey your father and your mother.” Rather, it is “Honor your father and your mother.” Still, it is clear the Bible places a great deal of emphasis on children obeying parents. We encounter the language of obedience in many of the interpretations and applications of the fifth commandment. Yet as we dig deeper, we find something interesting: the language of obedience tends to come in passages speaking to young children who are still dependent upon their parents. When we come to passages speaking to adult children, we find a subtle switch to language of respect and provision. Thus obedience is a particular form of honor—a form of honor for young children.

Do it now, do it right, and do it with a happy heart

All children are to honor their parents at all times. But when children are young, honor most often takes the form of obedience. This is why when Paul interprets the fifth commandment to young children (Ephesians 6:1-3 and Colossians 3:20) he says, “Children, obey your parents.” To obey is to submit to the will of a person who rightfully holds a position of authority, to comply with their demands or their requests. It is, as we teach our children, to “do it now, do it right, and do it with a happy heart.” Obedience is a child’s display of honor.

Parents are right to expect and demand obedience of their children and children are right to show honor to their parents through that obedience. It is obedience to parents that trains children to be submissive to every other authority, including God himself. It is under the training and discipline of parents that children are prepared to live orderly lives in this world. John MacArthur says it well: “Children who respect and obey their parents will build a society that is ordered, harmonious, and productive. A generation of undisciplined, disobedient children will produce a society that is chaotic and destructive.”

As it pertains to parents and their young children, obedience is meant to be a temporary measure that lasts as long as children are under the authority of their parents. Childhood is a period of training under the tutelage of parents. Parents force their children to obey so children will learn honor and then spend the rest of their lives honoring parents, teachers, bosses, and governments. A parent’s training in obedience is returned in lifelong honor.

Honor

But what is honor? Biblically, the word honor refers to weight or significance. To honor our parents we are to attach great worth to them and great value to our relationship with them. John Currid explains, “The point is that a child must not take his or her parents lightly, or think lightly of them. They must be regarded with great seriousness and value.” We can learn what honor looks like by examining the passages that describe the judgments befalling those who dishonor their parents. These are the passages from the civil law and wisdom literature we looked at last time: Leviticus 20:9, Proverbs 30:17, and so on.

What do we find? Children who dishonor their parents are rebellious and stubbornly resistant to the discipline that would lead them out of that rebellion. They may be verbally abusive, mocking and cursing their parents. They may even be physically violent toward them. If we turn to the New Testament we find that their dishonor may take the form of refusing to care for their parents or provide for their physical and monetary needs (Mark 7:8-13, 1 Timothy 5:8).

Thus to honor our parents we are to respect and revere them, to speak well of them and to treat them with kindness, gentleness, dignity, and esteem. We are to ensure they are cared for and even to make provision for them when necessary. Dennis Rainey says, “Honor is an attitude accompanied by actions that say to your parents, ‘You are worthy. You have value. You are the person God sovereignly placed in my life.” All of that and much more is bound up in this little word.

Obey Today, Honor Forever

We need to consider why the basic requirement of the fifth commandment is not obedience but honor. I am convinced there are at least two reasons: Eventually we are no longer obligated to obey our parents and, even before then, there are times we cannot or must not obey them. To say it another way, there are times we can disobey our parents while still honoring them.

There comes a time when obeying parents is no longer appropriate.

The end of obedience. There comes a time when obeying parents is no longer appropriate. The task of parents is to raise their children to become independent, to function outside of parental authority. In most cases, the parent-child relationship will be permanently altered at the moment of marriage when “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife” (Genesis 2:24). As a child becomes independent of his parents he leaves their oversight and authority. He no longer owes obedience in the same way or to the same degree.

The sin of obedience. There may also be occasions when obedience is sinful, such as when parents command their children to sin or when they command their children to disobey God or government. When this happens a child must disobey mom and dad in order to obey a higher authority. Another occasion for acceptable disobedience is when parents demand obedience of their adult children or when their demands for obedience become overbearing or abusive. In such cases the child is under no God-given obligation to obey.

God’s basic command to humanity is not “obey your father and mother” because obedience ends and at times can even be sinful. Instead, God’s command is “honor your father and mother” because honor never ends and is never wrong.

Perfect Honor, Perfect Obedience

We are not without a biblical model of honor and obedience. We see them both perfectly displayed in Jesus. Though he was God, he was born to earthly parents and he willingly, joyfully, perfectly honored and obeyed them both. We see his childhood obedience in Luke 2:51 “And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them.” We see his honor when, in the moments before his death, he ensured provision for his mother: “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:26-27).

And just as Jesus honored and obeyed his earthly mother and father, he honored and obeyed his heavenly Father. In all he did he spoke well of his Father, he directed glory to him, he carried out his will. And, of course, he obeyed his Father: “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8).

If we want our children to honor and obey us, we must teach them about Jesus.

Without losing a trace of autonomy or dignity, Jesus honored and obeyed. If we want to honor and obey our parents we must learn about Jesus. If we want our children to honor and obey us, we must teach them about Jesus. He, as always, is the example of how to perfectly obey God’s perfect law.

Conclusion

In our next article we will look at matters related to culture to see how culture changes our understanding of honor. Later we will look at some of the hard cases in which giving honor is especially difficult. We will also dig up some practical helps to show even more clearly how we can honor our parents. And, of course, we will need to consider how we, as parents, can ensure we are worthy of honor.

Let’s end on a happy note. We know there are two great blessings wrapped up in honoring our parents: A long life and a good life. If we dig a little deeper into the New Testament we find there is one more great blessing. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Our honor makes God happy. Why? Because in honoring our parents we are honoring the God who gave us our parents. So why not take some time today to consider how you can honor your parents. After all, your honor toward your parents pleases and glorifies God.

Posted at: https://www.challies.com/articles/momentary-obedience-forever-honor/