PRAYER AND THE HARSH HUSBAND

David Dunham

"The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working" (James 5:16b).

It is astounding to consider all that God delights to accomplish through the prayers of His people. Prayer is powerful, and yet it is also connected to the character of those who pray. The prayers of a "righteous man," we are told, are powerful. Likewise, Peter warns men that the way they treat their wives directly impacts their prayers. Character plays a part in our prayers. Men who are harsh with their wives should not expect God to respond to their prayers.

In his first epistle Peter addresses significant matters of the home. Chapter 3 focuses in on the dynamics of husbands and wives and the conflicts that can arise in their home. He begins his instruction with the wife, explaining how she ought to respond to a husband who "does not obey the word" (3:1). He shifts gears then to speak to this very husband. He states:

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (v. 7)

It's worth considering the specifics of this command.

The passage begins with the words "likewise," which refers back to duty of submission incumbent upon all Christians (it is mentioned in 2:13, 18, and 3:1). Husbands are commanded to submit in service to their wives. The same principle is at play when Paul speaks to the Ephesians. Just before outlining the specific responsibilities of husbands and wives in chapter 5, Paul establishes the universal principle of mutual submission (5:21). Submission is not simply a wifely duty, it is a Christian duty and therefore husbands are commanded to do it too.

Husbands are to "live" with their wives "in an understanding way." A man's submission to his wife begins with the practice of consideration. Living with you wife in an understanding way means to be considerate of her needs, concerns, desires, and hurts. It means to be sensitive and attuned to her. Husbands who dismiss their spouse's feelings or worries, who downplay or minimize her hurts, who outright ignore her interests are not fulfilling this mandate. A husband who puts his own interests, desires, concerns, and needs ahead of his wife's is failing to fulfill this command. Often men will couch their own selfishness in the language of "leadership," asserting that they must do what is best for the family. It just so happens that what is "best" is often what they want. They rarely, if ever, make sacrifices and even when they do it comes with a great deal of passive aggression and displeasure. Godly husbands, on the other hand, are deeply concerned to understand their spouses, and live with them in a sensitive and attentive manner.

They are to be honoring, as well. The language of "weaker vessel" is not intended to communicate inferiority, since it is pointedly followed by the truth that wives are "co-heirs" with their husbands. They are equals. The language of "weaker vessel" is about care. The "weaker vessel" is a reference to a highly prized possession. Think of it in terms of the difference between a Ming Vase and a cheap Wal-Mart imitation. The valuable vase is protected, cared for, valued enough to be look after with intentionality and precision. Husbands are to honor their wives by caring well for them. They ought to seek with all diligence to protect them, provide for them, and preserve them in physical, emotional, psychological, social, and spiritual ways.

All of this, Peter warns, is to be done in order that your "prayers may not be hindered." That means that where husbands fail at this their prayers will be hindered. The husband who is harsh and selfish yet maintains that he is a godly man whose life is marked by spiritual growth and faithfulness is deceived or deceptive. God himself refuses to hear or answer the prayers of such a man. His prayers are not "powerful in their working" precisely because he is not a "righteous man." Character impacts prayer.

Husband, evaluate yourself. Think carefully about the nature of your home, the culture, the interactions, and the relational dynamics. Think about how you esteem your spouse. Think about how your wife expresses herself. Does she feel safe to disagree? Does she feel honored in disagreements? Does she feel her opinions are valued? Furthermore, do you respect her views? Do you ask for her opinion and listen carefully? Can you identify your spouse's greatest fears, desires, and needs? Would your spouse agree with your assessment? How do you handle conflict and disagreement? How do you respond when you are told "no"? Is your authority more important than your spouse?

Think carefully about these issues because how you relate to your spouse directly impacts your spiritual life. The prayers of a harsh husband accomplish nothing. That will only change when such a man prays a prayer of repentance and seeks to live that out with his wife.

Dave Dunham is a biblical counselor, writer, and currently serves as associate pastor at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Roseville, MI.

Pastor Dave blogs at www.pastordaveonline.org  

Posted at: http://www.chrismoles.org/news/2017/9/14/prayer-and-the-harsh-husband-1

A Revolutionary Prayer Life

Mike Brooks

Somewhere near the top of the list of questions that send most conversations amongst Christians into a tailspin is this one: “So, how’s your prayer life?”

I’ve heard it asked in counseling settings when all the issues have been brought out onto the table.

“He did this, then she said that…”

“Well, yeah. But how’s your prayer life?”

Cue the bewilderment.

It’s been asked of me in particular seasons of frustration and in the midst of feelings of despair: “Man, that sounds really tough. Hey, how’s your prayer life?”

I even had one friend who would reframe that age-old question. He’d ask me, “Mike, what have you been saying to God when you pray?” He refused to allow the easy out of an over-simplified, uber-spiritualized answer. He wanted to know the content of the conversations I was having with God and it wasn’t because he was meddlesome or looking to cause trouble. He was out for my good and he knew that any good I’d experienced was almost always directly correlated to the quality of my prayer life and to the specifics therein.

A member at a church where I was previously on staff approached me one day to share some good news. His prayer life had been “revolutionized.” I don’t need to overstate things here, other than to say, when something has been revolutionized within close proximity to me, I’m all ears.

My friend went on to tell me about his recent frustrations with the way things were going at work and home. He told me he’d been feeling a little down about his involvement within our congregation and he was a little regretful that he hadn’t shared his faith in quite some time. I nodded along, waiting for the big turn. He told me he often had long rides between job sites and, out of habit, he’d been vocalizing those frustrations on his drives. I thought it to be an okay way to relieve some stress and mentioned it probably felt a little weird. He agreed, then his eyes widened, “But that’s just it. It was really weird until recently. I realized I hadn’t been praying much, so I just started praying on those rides instead.” I asked him what he had been praying and he replied, “Well, I basically just say the same exact things as I was saying before. But only now, I stop myself and I say ‘Dear God’ before I start talking.”

Revolutionary, indeed.

This is no indictment of my friend’s oversimplified version of prayer, though I think its probably worthy of some critique. My response is more like one of those pursed-lips, head-nodding, have-to-say “Hm” kind of responses. When my brother uttered his “Dear God,” a thousand gears began turning in his relationship with the God to whom he was praying. And it all began with a simple acknowledgement of who it was he was actually praying to.

A problem many of us face in the moment we’re praying is that, if we were to pay close attention, we’d likely catch ourselves mentally processing our joys and frustrations, rather than remaining present in prayer and sharing these things with God, praising him for his faithfulness and asking him to reveal the ways in which we aren’t trusting him as we ought.

Where does the wayward mind truly go when it comes time to pray? It’s hard to say. Maybe we’ve complicated the whole thing and err on the side of saying too much. Jesus said it’s not really about the perceived greatness of our oratory performance when it comes to beseeching the Father. Or, maybe we’re somewhere on the opposite end of the spectrum – we don’t have much to say at all. Perhaps we come before God less desperate – less needy – than we ought to, not fully realizing how insufficient we are for not just immediate tasks, but insufficient in most every role we’re placed in. Isn’t this where we find David as he’s praying in Psalm 86? “Incline Your ear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am oppressed and need.” Perhaps it’s even recognition of this need that puts us at a loss for words. There will be times we just won’t know what to say and, with our noses pressed firmly into tear-stained carpet, we’ll ask the Lord, even beg the Lord, “Help?”

And, if we’re honest, there will be times our prayer life is simply marked by conversations with God had while driving down the road in which we say “Dear God” and proceed to unload our frustrations on him.

We can be confident that in any of these moments, we have the listening ear of a gracious and loving God who may, in fact, delight in prayers chock full of “justs” and “Lords” and “Dear Gods.” Christian, never take for granted the fact that you have an embarrassing amount of access to the God of all creation through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When you’ve somewhat gotten over the fact that this God is the one to whom you’re praying – then, as simply as you can manage, pray: “Dear God…”

About the Author: Mike serves as Associate Editor at For The Church. He is currently a PhD student in Historical Theology at MBTS and a member at Emmaus Church. Mike and his wife, Paige, reside in Kansas City. You can follow him on Twitter via .

Posted at: https://ftc.co/resource-library/blog-entries/a-revolutionary-prayer-life

You May Not Know What to Pray, But the Holy Spirit Does

J.D. Greer

A lot of us say we want to live by faith, but the moment we can’t see or understand what God is doing, we throw up our hands and say, “Are you even there, God?”

We want to live by faith, but we also want to be able to understand why every bad thing happens. We want to be able to say, “Oh, I see. I get it now.” But that is not walking by faith. That’s walking by sight.

Faith means trusting God even when you can’t see him. As the Apostle Paul says in Romans 8, faith means waiting to experience resolution until the end.

While we wait to experience the glory of eternity, we can trust that God is working. And, we can trust that the Holy Spirit is perfectly interceding for us:

“In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

– Romans 8:26–27 CSB

What does it mean that the Spirit groans in us? Paul uses this word “groan” to mirror what creation is doing, and it reveals a couple of things about the Holy Spirit.

First, that groan indicates deep emotion. We may not often consider that Jesus experienced emotions, but one of the most moving scenes of Jesus’ life takes place in John 11 when he weeps at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. In the same way, the Spirit feels our pain with us.

I don’t know about you, but in my lowest moments, I don’t want answers so much as I want someone. I want to know that I’m not walking through the valley of the shadow of death alone. And this is precisely the assurance that Romans 8:26 gives us. When we weep, the Spirit of God weeps with us.

While we wait to experience the glory of eternity, we can trust that God is working. And, we can trust that the Holy Spirit is perfectly interceding for us.

This is good news in a society that too often tries to deal with pain by minimizing it. How often have you heard someone going through a tough time be told, “Well, at least …” My guess is you’ve been on the receiving end of this more than you’d like. And, if you’re honest, you’ve probably offered that kind of line, too.

Suffering, however, is not a competitive sport. Just because someone else got hit by a truck doesn’t make your chronic knee pain hurt less. Just because someone else has terminal cancer doesn’t mean your infertility is any less of a struggle.

Thank God that the Spirit doesn’t meet us in our pain with “At least …” The Spirit knows our pain is real. Jesus knows it’s real. They feel it with you, and the Spirit groans even more deeply than you do.

But the Spirit doesn’t just empathize with us. Groaning also indicates the Spirit’s wisdom. The Spirit prays “according to the will of God.” He prays the will of God perfectly over us, that God’s good purpose will be accomplished to the letter.

The assurance that he is praying for us is something every follower of Jesus can rest in.

One of the greatest prayer warriors to ever walk the earth was my childhood pastor, Dr. Sheehan. He would always respond to a need by saying, “I’m praying for you. But more importantly, Jesus is.” Romans 8 says, “So is the Spirit.” The whole Trinity is involved in the work of bringing good from your suffering.

Be encouraged: In your moment of pain, when you can’t even express the words yourself, the Holy Spirit is praying for you.

Posted at: https://jdgreear.com/blog/you-may-not-know-what-to-pray-but-the-holy-spirit-does/

God Can Heal, He Will Heal, but What If He Doesn’t?

Matt Chandler

All of us will face suffering. We are all only a phone call away from our life changing forever. We will get sick. We will lose loved ones. Trials will come. 

And we don’t know when suffering will hit us. 

For me, it was Thanksgiving morning 2009. I walked into our living room at home to give my youngest, Norah, her bottle. I burped her. I took her back to her Johnny Jump Up. I turned. 

And then I woke up in hospital. I’d had a brain seizure, and I was diagnosed with a primary brain tumor, facing immediate surgery, chemo and radiation—and an estimate of a few years to live.

In that season, I found that my Christian friends tended to fall into one of two camps. The first camp was all about the will of God, and praying for the will of God. The second camp believed that If I had faith and believed that the Lord would heal me, then he would heal.

Those two camps tend not to play too well together. But here’s the thing: I actually believe they can help one another. One tells us how to pray for healing, and the other tells us how to respond when God doesn’t heal. We need both. We see that played out in the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, in Daniel 3.

The Real Story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego

You may well remember the characters of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from felt-board stories in Sunday School, but this Bible story has direct implications for how we think about healing and how we pray for healing.

To recap Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar made a golden image and demanded that the people of God, who had been exiled to Babylon, worship it. Three of God’s servants who had been put in a place of authority in Babylon—Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego—refused. When the King threatened to throw them in a fiery furnace because of their disobedience, they responded by saying:

Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up. (Daniel 3:17-18)

In other words; our God can save us, we believe that the Lord will save us, and even if He doesn’t, we will still praise the name of the Lord.

This should be our default position, regardless of what we’re walking through, and especially when we’re walking through the valley of suffering:

• The Lord Can - God is sovereign. He is the Creator of all things, he is the Sustainer of all things, he has the power to do whatever he wills. Whatever suffering we are facing, we know that God has the power to intervene and to redeem and heal our pain and brokenness. Colossians 1:16-17 says, “For by him [Christ] all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

• The Lord Will - God is not only all-powerful, he is also personal. He loves us and cares about us. He bends his ear to the cries of his people. God invites us to pray to him and tells us that he will answer our prayers. Psalm 34:17 says, “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” 

• If He Doesn’t - God is good. We can see throughout the Scriptures, as he reveals who he is and what he is about, that God is a loving Father who knows best and wants what is best for his children. We can trust that if he chooses not to bring healing to us that he knows something we don’t know—and that one day he will end suffering and death once and for all. As Jesus pointed out, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11).

How to Go About Praying 

The Bible frees us up to pray boldly and courageously for healing—not to simply pray God’s will—because we know that he can heal, that he will heal, and that his will will be done regardless of the outcome. We’re not setting low bars. We have this crazy high bar. We come to him believing that he will heal, and believing that if he does not, it will be because he has a better plan and a higher aim in mind.

The Bible calls us to pray and plead with the Lord, asking Him to bring healing. I’m going to ask and believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is going to heal me and heal the people I’m praying for, but then I’m going to open my hands, knowing that the will of God will take place. That’s the example Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego give to us. That’s how we pray in our trials—Lord, I know you can heal, Lord, I believe you will heal, and Lord, if you don’t, would you bring glory to your name and keep me worshiping you. 

Joy in the Sorrow is the moving story of Matt Chandler’s battle with a potentially fatal brain tumor. But it's also the stories of members of The Village Church, whose lives were marked by suffering of various kinds. How they taught Matt, and continue to teach him, how to walk with joy in sorrow. Pre-order it here.

Posted at: https://www.thegoodbook.com/blog/interestingthoughts/2019/09/24/god-can-heal-he-will-heal-but-what-if-he-doesnt/

18 Prayers to Pray for Unbelievers

By Tim Challies

A friend asked the question: How do I pray for unbelievers? How do I pray effectively? I trust that every Christian regularly prays for family or friends or colleagues or neighbors who do not yet know the Lord. And while we can and must pray for matters related to their lives and circumstances, the emphasis of our prayers must always be for their salvation. Here are some ways the Bible can guide our prayers.

Prayers for Salvation

We begin with prayers for salvation. Each of these prayers seeks the same thing, but in a different way or from a different angle or using different language. Each of them is grounded in a specific text of Scripture.

Pray that God would circumcise their hearts. Circumcision was the Old Testament sign of entering into God’s covenant, of being God’s people. To have a circumcised heart symbolizes having a heart that is fully joined to God, fully submissive to him. “And the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live” (Deuteronomy 30:6).

Pray that God would give them a heart of flesh. The Bible contrasts a heart of flesh, a heart that is alive and responsive to God, to a heart of stone, a heart that is cold and unyielding. Pray that God would work within these unbelievers to change their hearts. “And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh…” (Ezekiel 11:19).

Pray that God would put his Spirit within them. The great joy of salvation is being indwelled by God himself. Pray that God would grant this honor to those unbelievers, that he would choose to take up residence within them. “And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules” (Ezekiel 36:27).

Pray that they would come to Christ. If unbelievers are to come to salvation, there is just one way. They must come through Christ and Christ alone. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6). Remember, too, that he is the one who calls them to come and to be relieved of the burden of their sin (see Matthew 11:28-30).

Pray that God would open their hearts to believe the gospel. Once more, God must initiate and people must respond. So pray that God would open the hearts of these unbelievers so they can in turn believe, just as Lydia did. “The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul” (Acts 16:14).

Pray that God would free them from the slavery of sin. Unbelievers may believe they are free, but they are in fact enslaved. They are slaves of sin, bound by their sin and sinfulness. Pray that God would liberate them by his gospel. “But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed” (Romans 6:17).

Pray that God would remove Satan’s blinding influence . Unbelievers have been blinded by Satan and will only ever be able to see and appreciate the gospel if God works within them. So pray that God would give them sight—spiritual sight. “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).

Pray that God would grant them repentance. Unbelievers cannot repent without the enabling grace of God. So pray that God would grant them repentance, that this repentance would lead them to a knowledge of the truth. Pray as well that they would come to their senses and that they would escape from the devil’s snare. “God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:25-26).

Prayers For You

You have prayed for unbelievers using different words and approaching from different angles. But you should also pray for yourself.

Pray that you will develop relationship with them. For people to be saved they must first hear the good news of the gospel. For them to hear the good news of the gospel, they must first encounter Christians—Christians like you. Pray that you would develop deeper, more significant relationship with them so you can, in turn, speak truth. “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” (Romans 10:14).

Pray for opportunities to minister to them. Many people come to faith after seeing Christ’s loved displayed through the ministry of Christians. Pray for opportunities to minister to unbelievers so that your ministry can have an evangelistic effect. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

Pray for them faithfully and persistently. Our temptation is to grow discouraged in prayer, to pray for a while and, when we see no visible results, to give up. But God calls us to persevere in prayer. “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2). (See also the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8.)

Pray for a burden to plead for their souls. Paul was willing to tell the church at Rome of his great longing to see the salvation of the lost. Do you share this deep longing? Pray that God would give you a great burden for souls. “Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved” (Romans 10:1).

Pray for boldness in generating and taking opportunities to speak the gospel. Even Paul longed for this boldness and for the confidence that he was speaking the right and best words. Pray that God would give you the boldness and, that when you take the opportunities, that he would then guide your words. “[Pray] also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel…” (Ephesians 6:19).

Pray for other believers to encounter them. God almost always uses a succession of people to share the gospel with people before they are saved. Pray, then, that God would lead other Christians into the lives of the unbelievers you love, that they too would provide an example of Christian living and that they too would speak the gospel. “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:6).

Other Prayers

Here are a few more biblical emphases to guide your prayers.

Pray that God would use any circumstance to do his work in them. We pray to a God who is sovereign and who sovereignly works his good will. Often he saves people through difficult circumstances, through bringing them to the very end of themselves. Pray, then, that God would arrange circumstances, whether easy or difficult, to lead them to salvation. “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67). As you pray for the unbelievers you love, always pray to God: “your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).

Pray that God would extend his mercy to them. God assures us that he wishes for all people to turn to him in repentance and faith. He receives no joy from seeing people perish. Pray, then, that God would be glorified in the salvation of these people. “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

Pray with confidence. Finally, pray with confidence. God expects we will pray, God invites us to pray, God commands us to pray. Why? Because God loves to hear us pray and God loves to respond to our prayers. So as you pray for unbelievers, pray with confidence that God hears your prayers. “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16).

Posted at: https://www.challies.com/articles/how-to-pray-for-unbelievers/

What Colors Our Prayers?

by Karen Pickering

I was reminded recently of my cousin who attended the local university where I grew up. He lived in an all men’s dorm at the time. There was one fellow who really wanted to be married.  He started praying for a wife and as time passed felt impressed that a certain young woman was the one for him. He approached her and told her what he felt God had told him. Other men heard his story and followed suit. Each prayed a respectable amount of time and then approached the woman they felt certain God had given them. As word got around the campus of what was happening, the women started responding with, “Well, God hasn’t told me and until He does I have no interest in dating, let alone marrying you.”

Praying is always a good idea. We need to pray more, but we shouldn’t use it as a tool to manipulate. Many people pray and people come up with different conclusions. Who is to be believed as having the word from God? I find that my prayers are colored by my desires. I am still human and my heart is deceitful. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t have this heart issue. I can respect someone, but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything they come up with when they are in prayer. I have seen too many misguided prayers in my day.

I am reluctant to proclaim…”I have prayed about it and this is what God wants!” Often the reality is “I have prayed about it and this is what I want.”

So, how do we pray?

So how do we pray? How do we know when the conclusions we come up with are the right ones?

A good place to start is, to be honest with God. Lay out your desires and your wants, but also lay out your desire to follow His lead. Be ready to take yes or no as the answer. Be uncertain enough in your own ability to know the truth. This will help reduce disappointment when God takes us down another path–maybe one that is unexpected.

I am the most at peace in prayer when I leave the end result up to God. To explore possibilities on my knees is better than pushing my agenda.

I’m reminded of a verse in Psalms.

“He gave them their request, But sent leanness into their soul.” (Psalm 106:15)

God’s ways are not my ways. I long to be so close to Him that there is no doubt about each step I take, but until I step into glory that will not be the case. So, in the meantime, I pray. I pray for wisdom. I pray for grace as other brothers and sisters come up with different conclusions. I pray that God is at work in each of us to make us more like Him. And, in the end, that might be more of the point than all the grand plans we are determined to set in motion.

Posted at: https://bc4women.org/2019/05/praying-with-conviction/

When the Miracle You Prayed For Doesn’t Come

by Lianna Davis

If you have prayed for a miracle of healing or good provision from God’s hand that did not come, not only are you anguished about your circumstance but—compounding that pain—perhaps you are now also grieving that your God did not answer your prayer.

Expressing sorrow over both realities before the Lord for what He has not sovereignly deemed fit to give you can form the substance humble laments while suffering.

While you lament, remember that God can undoubtedly accommodate our complexities. You may be confounded and sorrowing in one area of your heart. But the heart can experience more than one emotion—especially when more than one truth is at play.

Multiple Truths at Play, Multiple Emotions

Your suffering is real. So, let the grieving areas of your heart grieve, the sorrowing sorrow. And while they are, while you grieve that your miracle has not come, look for another resonating truth. I would even guess that an area of biblical truth will so strike you that you will experience joy and hope in the knowledge of God in the middle of your suffering that you otherwise would not be able to comprehend in the same way.

Allow me to illustrate.

The intricacies of the Godhead I do not fathom. But since the stillbirth of my daughter, I marvel differently now that God gave His Son to death and planned this death before the foundation of the world. Also, the miracle of the new birth, I cannot fully grasp. But I am more amazed at God birthing us to eternal life when I was incapable of birthing a daughter alive on earth.

Though what you dearly sought has not come, what biblical truth resonates with you?

Not According to How We Pray

By the power of the Spirit, we can never overestimate what biblical truth can do within us. The apostle Paul wrote in doxological form:

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20)

Perhaps these kinds of words are difficult to read right now—God doing abundantly for us. Yes, God is able to perform miracles. He was able to make my daughter’s heart beat again in my womb. He did not. Clearly, I am writing and you are reading because He does not necessarily answer prayers according to how we pray. And He is no less able.

He knows why He does not do; you and I might not understand now, in this present life, His wisdom. But could it be that He is doing beyond what we ask? Could it be that what He is working on our behalf is more than what we think? We do not grasp future glory; we cannot fathom what earthly sufferings are achieving for us (2 Corinthians 4:17). We don’t comprehend, but we can trust.

Two Realities to Hold

And there is a main component of Ephesians 3:20 we can understand more immediately, a near reality. God is accomplishing more than we know to ask or think according to “the power at work within us.” Power is also referenced only a few verses earlier—in Ephesians 3:16 where Paul prays about the power of the Holy Spirit in our inner beings.

Throughout Ephesians 3:14-20, God is being asked to help believers comprehend more of Him, that our hearts might be strengthened…

• …with power through God’s Spirit in our inner beings.

• …in order for Christ to dwell in them through faith.

• …with rootedness in His love.

• …with all the saints in the breadth and length and height and depth of Christ’s love.

• …to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.

• …to be filled to our maximum of the limitless fullness of God.

• …to trust God’s power at work within us.

• …and, to rejoice in all glory being His for all He is and has done throughout all generations.

Our hearts are strengthened as we become personally convinced that truth is true by the power of the Holy Spirit. Who on this earth can tell what that power at work in us and through us will achieve?

We lament; at the very same time: more than we ask, more than we think.

Hold both when the miracle you prayed for doesn’t come.  

Posted at: https://unlockingthebible.org/2019/09/when-miracle-prayed-doesnt-come/

5 Steps To Pray For Your Spouse

Stephanie R Fields

“God commands men to pray, and so not to pray is plain disobedience to an imperative command of Almighty God.” -E.M.Bounds

It’s often said that our spouses are our primary ministry. I’d like to suggest that praying for them is one of the most crucial ways we carry out that ministry. Prayer is a powerful tool of the faith, and I’d like to invite you to make sure you are making the most of it. It’s easy to pray for others, but are you praying for them well? Here’s 5 steps that have helped me pray for my husband more effectively.

Step One: Look in the mirror

It’s easy to pray “help him be a godly leader” or “help her be a good mother.” These aren’t necessarily bad prayers, but not only are they surface level, there are some questions you should be asking yourself first. Husbands with kids, are you an involved parent? Do you speak highly of your wife to your children? Does she have to ask repeatedly for your help, or are you actively seeking ways to serve her? Wives, are you encouraging your husband as he leads, or are you combative, dismissive, and disrespectful? Has your harsh tongue made him reluctant to take action?

When we pray for our spouses we need to be careful that we aren’t praying that God will gloss over our own sin - and that we aren’t justifying our sin with our spouses shortcomings. I really need to apply Matthew 7: 1-5 to my own life before I even contemplate asking God to change James. If I have a critical, harsh, and disrespectful attitude it’s going to be hard for him to lead me effectively. James is likely to get frustrated and flustered, and so may not make wise decisions. Likewise, if James is reckless, condescending, and disregards my input I might be tempted to be rebellious because I don’t trust him. The way we respond to our spouses is important. Review the way you have treated your spouse in the last six months. Is there something you need to repent of and ask your spouse for forgiveness for? Since each of us is the worst of sinners (1 Tim 1:15) it’s imperative we are more concerned with our own sin than with the sin of our spouse.

How are you contributing to your spouse's sin? I’m not saying you are to blame for your spouse's sin, because you aren’t. We are each the author of our own sinful choices. But are you stirring them to love and good works? (Heb 10:24) Are you making it easy to repent, and modeling what that looks like? Is sin taken seriously in your home? Do you talk about it, and are you mindful of their stumbling blocks and what sins they are easily tempted by? Before you spend a lot of time asking God to "fix" your spouse first ask God to reveal how you need to change to be a better spouse yourself.

Step Two: Examine your motives

Philippians 2:3 says “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Are you keeping this in mind when you pray for your spouse? What I mean is, are you more concerned with your spouses walk with the Lord or with the ease of your life with them? Do you view your spouse as a ministry opportunity or a barrier? Does my prayer for James demonstrate that I love him and want the best for him - or does it show that I want things to go my way and work out for my good? Am I praying for what is best for him or for what is easiest for me?

Am I praying that he changes his leadership style because he could be more godly, or because I don’t like it? Am I praying that he be successful at work because I want him to be salt to his coworkers, or do I just want him to make more money so my life is more comfortable? Am I praying that James loves the Lord and pursues Him because I genuinely care for his spiritual well being, or because Scripture paints a nice picture for how I should be treated by a God fearing husband? Before I pray about God changing James I really need to evaluate why I want God to make that change. Who would that change glorify, and how do I benefit from it?

Step Three: Know your spouse

Our God is powerful and He knows what each of us needs. He answers prayers only our hearts have uttered, and the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t even have the words. (Rom 8:27) I wonder, do you know what your spouse is dealing with in the most intimate arenas of their life? Are you praying for the things they are too scared to share at life group? Are you praying for the things they are still discovering about themselves? Praying for the minutiae of the day to day is important, and so is praying in the big picture. But is that enough for our one-flesh relationships? I’d like to challenge you to dig deeper, and get specific about your other half.
Here are some questions to consider:

• How is their walk with the Lord right now?

• Are they diligent in their reading, meditating, and prayer life?

• Do you see fruit in their life?

• Do they find joy and hope easily?

• In what ways are they struggling the most right now?

• Are they prideful at work?

• Do they struggle with impurity?

• Do they have a hard time resolving conflict?

• Are they waiting joyfully in God’s timing?

• What are they learning about God right now? How are they, or aren’t they, changing in response?

• What are their fears?

• What are their goals?

• What encourages and discourages them?

• How are they spending their time and with who?

• Do you know the names of their office mates?

• How do they spend their time when you aren’t around?

This list is just the beginning. If you don’t know the answers to these questions it will be hard for you to pray specifically for what they have going on in their hearts.

Step Four: Be thankful for your spouse

Tell God how much you appreciate your spouse and marriage, and get specific. Sometimes it can be hard to come up with things to be thankful for in general, and often times harder still within our marriages. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us that we will always have something to be thankful for, though, so don’t miss this opportunity to honor God’s will for your life. Praise God for the traits and gifts and skills He gave your spouse. Thank Him for aligning your lives to cross paths and lead to marriage. Tell God how much you appreciate those little things they do for you. Praise God for the ways He is working within your spouse, and thank Him for the honor and privilege He has given you as a sanctification partner with your spouse. Remind yourself what an amazing gift it is that God has trusted you with one of His children - and Praise God that your spouse is who He trusted you to*. As I look back on the years I’ve been married to James I am greatly moved by how patient, gentle, consistent, and compassionate he has been with me through it all. God has put me through some significant trials and my husband has faithfully ministered to me through them. I hope the same is true for your marriage and that you are stirred to a thankful heart because of it.

Step Five: Pray with your spouse

Finally! Does this seem like too simplistic of a step? Do you pray together? If not, I encourage you to start. Praying for your spouse is a great way to show them you are listening, you care, and you are rooting for them. Prayer helps point you each back to the Lord, as well as encourages and comforts you both. It helps you stay focused on what’s most important; A heart focused on the Lord has little room for sinful responses.

Additionally, prayer is an incredibly intimate thing and will help you feel closer as a couple. Pray for yourselves together, for each other, for your life group and family, the church, our country - everything. Pray together. It’s an amazing window into the soul of your spouse and I encourage you to participate in it. It might be awkward at first, but embrace it. This is your primary relationship for the rest of your earthly life. Make the most of it. You won’t regret it.

Still not sure where to begin? Here’s a generic list to get you started:

• Remove my selfishness that I may be a better servant to my spouse

• May my words build up as fits the occasion, and never tear down

• Help me be focused on my spouse - that they come before all other earthly relationships

• Help me shed the cultural definition of manliness or femininity and instead stand firmly in God’s definition

• Our marriage would be a good example to our children. Am I treating my spouse the way I would want a future helpmate to treat my child?

• Help me be a blessing to my spouse in their role as parent. May my actions work in tandem with my spouse and not in opposition

• Help me to build trust with my spouse, that I may continue to learn them better

• Show me a way to serve my spouse today

• Our sex life would be God honoring

• Give my spouse victory over the sin they are currently struggling with, help me to be an encouragement to them in that effort

• Protection against impurity

• They are a light to their coworkers

• They would work hard to bring God glory, not for personal gain

• We would strive to please God more than we are concerned with making a good appearance

• Bring us opportunities to serve the Kingdom with our marriage

• Take hold of my spouse's heart, Lord - increase their knowledge and their faith

• Gratitude for the way your spouse blessed you recently

• Express appreciation for the ways your spouse has helped you grow

• Praise God for the good times you have had together

• Thank the Lord for the things still in store for your marriage

And of course, praying through scripture is never a bad way to pray for someone, either. It is my hope that your prayer life reflects the love and grace of our Lord, and that your marriage is all the richer for it.

*If you are currently in a difficult marriage this might be a really hard thing for you to believe or do. Without knowing your specific situation there are some things I do know. God works all things together for our good (Rom 8:28), He is sovereign (1 Chron 29:11-12), and He has not given up on you or your marriage (Phil 4:19, Matt 28:20.) If you need help please reach out to the appropriate authorities and or to the church. Please do not continue to suffer alone. Join a life group, contact the counseling department, reach out to a trusted friend (Prov 11:14). God did not design us to do life alone - embrace the community God has waiting for you (Rom 12: 4-5, Gal 3:28-29), and let us love you both by gently restoring you to the Lord and to each other. And through all of it, pray. Pray that God would intervene and move in both your hearts.

Again, E.M. Bounds:
“Be careful for nothing, but in everything, by supplication and prayer, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God." That is the Divine cure for all fear, anxiety, and undue concern of soul, all of which are closely akin to doubt and unbelief.”
― E.M. Bounds, The Necessity of Prayer

Stephanie R. Fields Chef by trade, currently serving the teen homeless population. Wife, biblical counselor, gamer, crafter, tea and book enthusiast. Smitten with the mitten, Washingtonian since 2009.

Posted at: https://celebrate-marriages.ghost.io/2018/06/18/5-steps-to-pray-for-your-spouse/?fbclid=IwAR05sKv8Gz2HDazZ2k0JwSLFqlXjZ3GoT3Bni-6nlqdY54gtyUmWF__7VkM

Your Will Be Done

Jay Younts, Shepherd’s Press

When you are sick you want relief. When you are angry you seek justice. When you are hurt you want comfort. For all of these things, we as Christians are told to cry out to God. This is good! But from this point things can get a little uncertain. Should you pray for an immediate response? Has God turned away from you if there does not appear to be one?

There is some clear guidance for us in the Lord’s prayer. Christ instructs his disciples to pray:

your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

These directions put everything in perspective!

Yes, you want immediate relief. I can relate to this, four years ago I received 7 weeks of radiation therapy for tongue cancer. The treatment is far from pleasant and it is 7 weeks long plus several weeks of recovery time. Was I wrong to ask for immediate relief from the pain? No, I don’t believe so as long as I was prepared to follow my Lord’s command as to how to pray. Whatever my request, it must be embedded in the larger concern that God’s will be done on earth and in heaven.

This means that I can trust God to act in the best way possible in the best time possible. There is no way I can know what is best, but my God knows! So, I follow Jesus’ direction and ask God to bring about his will which is profoundly better than what I can ask or imagine. I can ask God to do his will, even and especially, if it is different than mine.

You know that God hears your prayers. You know that he is committed to you. You know that Jesus Christ has prayed specifically for you. So yes, you make your request and then trust your heavenly Father to do what is best and act according to his will. When I do this it is a deep comfort to know that I have been heard and that God will do what is best for me. This reality sustained me during the time of intense pain caused by the radiation which was helping to heal my body.

Teach your children to trust God and to act according to his will. It will be a wonderful blessing to them when there are difficult times. It also is a blessing to you.

Posted at: https://www.shepherdpress.com/your-will-be-done/?fbclid=IwAR36YbxdfvnmiBbiXMtLLhssRMm0l1cespDRk-E9cazJaNuz9ozTvU9S3ec

Three Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

Michele Morin

Roots and wings are the gifts Christian parents pass on to our children. We establish rules, give them responsibilities that build confidence and skill, and water those deep roots with lots of love and prayer, knowing that strengthening wings will soon carry our children away from home, out of reach of our influence and our protection. In my family, there is now one more full-fledged adult as my third son has graduated from college.

In my prayers for the four young men who are so close to my heart, I’m taking my cues from the book of Philippians. Writing from a Roman prison, Paul the missionary church planter tips his hand and opens his heart to reveal Paul the spiritual father. His prayers for new believers and leaders in faraway fledgling churches have fueled my own prayer life as, one by one, my sons leave the nest to make independent lives and decisions in a world very different from the one I encountered at their age.

Prayers for strong marriages, safety on the job, or wisdom in college selection are all good requests from the heart of a Christian mum, but Paul’s three-verse, single-sentence outpouring to God challenges me to lift my sights to motivation and to pray about the drive behind my adult children’s following lives — and to take a careful look at my own.

1. God, please guide their loves.

It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment . . . (Philippians 1:9)

When Paul prayed for knowledge and discernment for the church in Philippi, he may have been concerned about false teachers (Philippians 3:2) or even about the pull of civic pride that could have influenced these Roman citizens to settle for the glory of Rome over the glory of God. He desired that their growing love would be anchored in truth and focused Godward.

While he was in their presence, Paul would have filled them up with knowledge about the nature of God as revealed in Jesus Christ; he would have put on display Christ’s humble obedience (Philippians 2:8). Paul had been a model citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:17–21; 4:9), but now they were on their own. It was time to trust that the knowledge he had shared with them would be transformed into discernment in the hearts and minds of newly minted Christ-followers.

Likewise, twenty-first-century distractions from holy living abound, and our adult children need knowledge and discernment to guide their hearts. Agape, the unique love of God, is wild and deep, but it is not vague or sentimental. Discerning love submits to the mind’s critical faculties and the Spirit’s guidance, for, as Stuart Briscoe quipped, “Love may be blind, but agape has twenty-twenty vision.”

As we pray for our children’s love to grow, we must also pray that God would guide them toward worthy objects of love so they will, for example, persevere in loving their wives more than they love their hobbies, and value time with their children more than time with their colleagues. We trust God to give our adult children eyes to see the truth about their own hearts’ affections.

2. God, please guard their integrity.

. . . so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ . . . (Philippians 1:10)

Since the word approve in Greek culture was associated with the purification of precious metals or the verification of currency, Paul’s idea of approval would likely have been shaped by thoughts of authenticity. He yearned for believers who were pure, unmixed, and without alloy — whose lives were exactly as they appeared to be. This integrity of inward motive and outward manner echoes David’s ponderings about holiness in Psalm 24:3–4:

Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord?
     And who shall stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
     who does not lift up his soul to what is false
     and does not swear deceitfully.

Lifting our souls in worship to what is false includes a pervasive idolatry of image that was not even possible in previous generations. In a culture shaped by social media, perhaps we should pray that our adult children will find grace to live in such a way that their real stories and their Instagram stories might be one and the same.

As a parent to adult children, my own integrity is also a concern — and therefore a matter of prayer. Sadly, I am a member of a parental generation that will change its politics, ethics, and even biblical worldview to “stay friends” with our children, demonstrating that we are more concerned about our relationship with our kids than our kids’ relationship with God. When our adult children make bad choices, it will be tempting to strike out onto “the gentle slope, soft underfoot” that C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape recommended as the “safest road to Hell” (The Screwtape Letters, 61). “Well, I think the Bible’s pretty harsh on that one,” we might think. “We really can’t be dogmatic.”

Instead, it is our job to hold fast to our own integrity of belief, no matter how much we long for family harmony. We must leave room for God to work, and pray he will awaken our son’s or daughter’s conscience, trusting that he has not suddenly taken a position on the sidelines of their lives. If we undercut his voice, we get in the Spirit’s way — and sabotage our own pure and blameless walk in the process.

3. God, please grant them fruitful lives for your glory.

. . . filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:11)

The fruit that righteousness produces may be quite visible. In Paul’s case, fruitfulness looked like a long list of new converts, churches sprouting all along his path throughout Europe and Asia Minor, and mentoring relationships that spawned leaders and teachers sufficient for the task of carrying the gospel forward for another generation.

While our own sons and daughters may not be called to lead churches or movements, by the power of the Holy Spirit, they are responsible and well able to produce the fruit of spiritual attitudes and righteous actions. Holding fast to what is good and refusing to sell themselves to what is false, our adult children will “shine as lights in the world” (Philippians 2:15), putting on display the humility and moral excellence Christ himself demonstrated. As parents, our rubric for measuring success in our children’s lives must also be subject to this same filter of Christlikeness, as we trust for grace to resist the temptation to adopt cultural definitions of success based on income or influence.

Paul prayed that the lives of his spiritual children would be characterized by right choices and pure motives fueled by an abounding love for God and steeped in sincerity that looks nothing like sentimentality. As my prayers are shaped by the apostle’s, I also want to be one with him in motivation, for while our adult children have great potential to bring joy to a parent’s heart and great fulfillment to our days, the ultimate goal of their lives, as with our own, is “the glory and praise of God.”

As parents who are continually being shaped and stretched by our prayer life, may we join with Paul, with our much-loved children, and with other believers throughout the ages in bringing glory to God through a fruitful life that flows from a heart of love.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/three-ways-to-pray-for-adult-children?fbclid=IwAR1sNNmagYuDM05i4GZNrViwIkyPL_jxQdpsFuWRgvRyuR1Km6IHRNa0woI